Behaviour Patterns Of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

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Hello there again. This is yet another article of educating on the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the Borderline Personality Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorders.  Please be aware that they are Disorders but despite that there really is no excuse for their behaviour or the way they treat people.  In this article I am going to abbreviate Narcissistic Personality Disorder to NPD but these behaviour relate to the other orders as well.

First of all, I be you asking how can I write about these disorders to educate people of you have not been through it.  Well I am recovering from a NPD.  I won’t go into much detail regarding that but the one did I did find going through all this is.

1. The Lack of understanding that people have about these Disorders.

2. The way the NPD person is like a Jekyll and Hyde. To the outside world he is Mr Jeckyll the nice helpful friendly person. The one who is always there for his friends and family, but behind closed doors Mr Hyde comes to the service, the one who blames you for everything, the one who always puts you down, the one who never takes responsibility for their own actions because it is always someone else’s fault.

3. The fact the there is never any closure with a Narc.  By the time the hurricane has passed you are standing there wondering what the hell happened and trying to make sense of it, even wondering if the Narc was right and it was your fault that everything fell apart.

This is why I am doing these articles to try and educate not just the survivors of the Narc, but friends, family and even children.  Unless you have been with a Narc you will never understand what the survivor of this person has gone through and telling then to get over it and saying he is no longer in your life why can’t you just move on is not what survivors need to hear.  Support and education is the key here.  Trying to understand the behavior of the Narc can not only bring understanding for the Survivor but also for the people closest to them.  So I am going to outline the main behavior of a Narc and how they reel you into their lives and then proceed to destroy it.

· Symptoms of a NPD
· Grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from others
· Fixated on fantasies of power, success, intelligence, attractiveness, etc.
· Self-perception of being unique, superior and associated with high-status
people and institutions

· Needing constant admiration from others
· Sense of entitlement to special treatment and to obedience from others
· Exploitative of others to achieve personal gain
· Unwilling to empathize with others’ feelings, wishes, or needs
· Intensely jealous of others and the belief that others are equally jealous
of them
· Pompous and arrogant demeanor
 
Powerful ways a NPD can emotionally cripple you.Idealization-Devaluation-Discard Phase
 
1. Love Bombing: This is the phase the Narc puts you on a pedestal making you the center of his/her world.  Constantly showering you with flattery and praise. Constant phone calls and texts up to 20 times per day. Convincing you that you are the one they can’t live without and that you are their soulmate.  This is how most victims get sucked in because they are telling you what you want to hear.  They are telling you straight out with no game playing.  This phase usually happens in the very early stages of the relationship lasting up to 3 to 6 months, sometimes longer depending on what the Narc really wants from you.
 
2. Devaluation Phase: This is the other side of the coin to the love bombing phase. This is where the Narc suddenly pushes you of the Pedestal that he/she had you on and not from a very safe height.  The Narc will go hot and cold, start to criticize you, putting you down very subtly in public and also behind closed doors. Comparing you to others, constantly breaking promises, never following through on anything.  You start to feel that you will never be able to please this person no matter how hard you try.  Eventually you become convinced that everything that is happening is your fault. Even though the Narc can be possessive and Jealous they can also turn this around and say that you are to needy and clingy.  All this is a form of control over the victim.  Unfortunately, during this stage this is where the Narc really starts to show their true colours and when this happens you need to understand that the person at the beginning of the relationship never truly existed.  During this state also they start to abandon, demean, become aggressive, humiliating (especially in public) and whole lot more so that the victim feels they are no longer important.
 
3. Gaslighting:  This is a technique the Narc uses to alter someone’s perception of the abuse is inaccurate. They can say things like your provoked me, you are too sensitive, I never said that or you are taking this way to seriously.  This is their way of manipulating the situation to turn it around to make you think the abuse is your fault. Narc are masters at making you doubt yourself and the abuse. This is why the survivors suffer from second thoughts after a break up because the emotional invalidation they received made them powerless in their perceptions.  This self-doubt makes them stay in an abusive relationship even though it is clear that it is a toxic one. This is because they are led to mistrust their own instincts and perceptions of events.
 
4. Smear Campaigns: Narcs keep harems.  This is because they love having their egos stroked and need constant validation from the outside world.  They are clever Chameleons who are also people pleasers, morphing into what every personality suits the situation they are in. So it no surprise that the Narc will start the smear campaign against you not long after the discard phase. This is to paint you as the unstable one. Unfortunately, they are usually very successful at this and this is how the Narcs recruit their Flying Monkeys.  The smear campaign can depict you as the abuser or unstable person, this then provoke you thus proving you are unstable when you try to tell your side of the story.   This also serves as a hoovering technique is which the narc seeks to pull you back into the relationship as you struggle to reconcile what has been said about you.  The only way not to get pulled back is to GO NO CONTACT and ignore everything that is being said.  You know the truth and that is all that matters.

 
5. Triangulation:  Narcs like to manufacture triangles, be it love or friends. This is when they then start to get the other person or people to do their dirty work for them while they sit back and look as though they can’t understand why you won’t go back to them.  This triangulation be another lover, friends, family or even random people you may meet. They may say thing like “He/she wants you back as they can’t live without you, or I don’t understand what your problem is, he/she is a really nice person.  This is a way for the Narc to keep you in control and in check while you are giving him the attention he/she so craves.  It is also a way of distracting you from trying to get out of the relationship.
 
These are the common ways that a Narc pull you in and then destroys you.  By telling you about these behaviors it can help you to understand what is happening and help you to not be fooled in the future by another person trying to do the same to you again.  Use the them as warnings and Red Flags, but if something does not feel right, then question it.  Your body will usually tell you that something is wrong.

I would be lovely to get some feedback so I know if I should continue.
But until then I will leave you with this thought.

Trying to be with a Narcissist is like holding the hand of a drowning person who already knows they are dead, but wont let go of your hand until you die to.
 
Love and blessings

Sylvia

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Sylvia
Intuitive, giving you deep insight into your situation.

10 thoughts on “Behaviour Patterns Of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

  1. Mary

    I recently experienced the discard phase without knowing the reason why. Everything you said is exactly what I experienced from beginning to end. Thanks much for the insight.

    Reply
  2. R Constantine

    Thanks for post this it’s great to know I’m not going mad but one thing that you haven’t put on here which my ex has done is the stalking so it’s almost like if I scare her she will need me so he can try to get his control back hopefully my jounery will be ending very soon as I have got though it one thing to remember good friend can be your rock n u can love again. You become very good at keeping things quite be strong much love too u all xxx

    Reply
  3. cara

    This article is spot on. I’ve been in a relationship with a narc(I’m just realizing it). Constant cheating, stealing, didn’t have any emotions, didn’t care about anything. And it was always “look how you think of me. I love you, you mean the world to me, I can’t live without you, blah blah blah. I’m so hurt because he led me to believe he really wanted to be with me, marriage, and I had a baby, he left me married someone from his harem then that relationship didn’t work because she was a narc herself so he ran from her knowing he couldn’t trick her but she tricked him. Anyway a lot of drama happened and where is he? abusing another and guess what she just had a baby in April. Wooooow. I told him “die ×××××” and I haven’t heard from him since. I have my power but I’m still recovering from the abuse. Sad to say he made me very insecure but I’m on the road to recovery.

    Reply
  4. Reese

    Hear Sylvia,

    I have finally just recently let go of this imaginative fairy tale ending I had with my baby’s father who is completely a narcissist to a T. After reading up on it, I wish he could get help, we have never been really a couple. We tried to live together and he cheated (triangle) and blamed me for all of it. I went into a serious depression for months and months, and now recently I finally decided to break free and block him on all social media. After he blamed me for not checking up on us, and telling me I sounded like a broken record for asking for help with our child. Im scared of the fact that I am related now to this person. I love my child but I certainly don’t love him. How do I deal with him throughout my lifetime ? How am I going to get through this? Im always worried when it comes to him.

    Your comment or reply is greatly appreciated.

    Reply
  5. elle

    This is amazing,i was married to a man who was a NARC. 19 years of mental torture,5 years of recovery and i have moved on, meet a decent man who has none of these soul destroying behaviours.
    I look back and im proud of how strong i,was and how i parented our children through the bad times. Glad im free now.

    Reply
  6. Ek

    Except when the court system then sides with the narc and his harem and take your child from you even though you are a really good parent and he was literally too busy selling drugs and attempting suicide to care about the baby! Eff these sorts of psychopaths!

    Reply
  7. Shaketa D Stewart

    Thank you for sending me this because I was with a Narc for years and never knew anything like this

    Reply
  8. Carlene

    This is so true. I was married to one and even though we are devorced, he is still trying to bring me down. He never supported our kids or took care of them. Yet he goes around painting me as a gold digger and claiming that he supports his kid and he is a good father. When in fact this guy has ripped me off of tens of thousands of dollars. He paints me as unstable, etc. As a victim of one of these relationships I can so relate to this article.
    Thanks
    Carlene

    Reply
  9. Nyoka

    What u saying is true because I am going through that for 6years with my husband and he would tell me if I leave him he would kill me and I am afraid because I have three children and they dose cry for him

    Reply
  10. Jo Ann

    The content was very good. I lived with a narcissist for over 20 years. There are some grammatical and spelling errors though. I am old school and they detract a little. Thank you for the great overview of the destrctive narcissist.

    Reply

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