As human beings we have a very strong aspect of self-centeredness (even if it is not truly real) or ego, and because of this many problems can arise when this human aspect of experience goes uncontrolled?
The favorite tool of the emotional manipulator is the ego. This helps them to get what they want. Manipulation can come in at least two forms. The physical and the emotional. Emotional abuse tends to me the more common practice by manipulators has this does not leave scars that can be seen.
The good news is that by being able to properly identify the abuse we can then protect ourselves from the violation of our universal right of free will. When manipulators emotionally abuse, they can take away our right to be able to think for ourselves and also be able to trust ourselves. Emotional abuse can also drain humans of their will to fight what they believe in and in also being our true selves.
Identifying Emotional Manipulation
You make a statement that is turned around to be used against you in a negative way.
When doing this person will speak with an air of honesty, but this is in fact to cover their true intentions. For example you could tell the person that you are angry with them for forgetting your birthday. Their response may go something like it makes me feel sad that you would think that, but I have been under great personal stress, but I didn’t want to trouble you within on your birthday. You are right, I should focus more on your birthday and not on my personal pain. (There may even be tears) I am Sorry.
At this point, your intuition may have kicked in and you may feel the apology is not genuine, but since they said the magic words you are left with nothing much to say. When this scenario plays out, do not accept that the apology is real as this is not their true intentions. If you do accept the apology you may have been emotionally manipulated. If an apology does not feel genuine, then it probably isn’t. This is a form of emotional blackmail and a useful method of getting the desired outcome.
The person presents themselves as a willing helper.
Emotional manipulators can play the part has a willing helper with any given task. If you ask them for help they will willingly agree or if you do not ask them for help they will volunteer. Seeing an offer for help looks like a wonderful thing, but to the emotional manipulator this is merely a tactic to fulfill a selfish desire. If you accept their offer of help they may then express their unwillingness by letting out several sighs loud enough to be noticed or other signs that let you know they don’t actually want to help. You call them on this by saying it does not seem you want to help. This is when the emotional manipulation takes place because they then say you are being unreasonable. To bypass this manipulation, ignore the sighs and clues and confront the person in a civil manner.
They say something but later assure you that they did not say it at all (Gaslighting)
This is where they will say something to you and then deny saying it later. This where you may be questioning your memory recall because you remember one thing and the other person has a totally different recall on it, yet they are the one who told you in the first place. When this happens be cautious. Manipulators can be expert persuaders and by the end of the conversation you will have agreed with their version of what happened. To combat this form of manipulation, try keeping a log of what they say. It doesn’t matter how you do this, it’s a great way to have proof of what is being said.
They guilt trip you.
Emotional manipulators are experts in the art of guilt tripping. They can make you feel guilty for not standing up, for not speaking up, for speaking up, for not showing enough emotion, for showing to much emotion, for not giving and/or caring enough or giving and/or caring too much. Basically, to matter what you do you can’t win. Emotional manipulators will rarely show any real needs or desires so emotional manipulation is used to get any needs or desires satisfied. Anything. Combined with guilt sympathy is also very powerful. An Emotional abuser is great at playing the victim and very good at getting other people to do their work for them. Even when this happens, it will never be good enough. To combat this, you need to say to them I am confident in your ability to do this yourself. You will still get a guilt trip, but you can then leave them to their own devices.
They are indirect.
By taking the passive aggressive route emotional abusers can deal with things indirectly. This will include talking behind your back, getting others to say to you what they would not say themselves, and finding subtle ways of letting you know they are not happy. They will always tell you what you want to hear, but then after doing that, do something to undermine it. A good example is I promise to get the bills paid. Then completely ignore them. When you call them on it they will say well are you not responsible for the bills, why did you give them to me. When this happens the responses are limited. Not much you can do with this one.
They always seem to have it worse then you.
This tactic is pretty straight forward. Whatever problems you may have in your life they have it worse. This is to shift the focus from your problems (which almost never exist in the way they claim they do)
If you sense they are just trying to shift the focus in order to satisfy their need to be the center of attention they will display feelings of being deeply hurt and will call you selfish. Every day is opposite day for the emotional manipulator. If you have something great in your life they shift it back to them with something that may or may not have happened 3 months ago. If your intuition is telling you not to trust what they are saying simply walk away.
They are able to lower the positive energy of others around them.
Given the human consciousness is interconnected everyone is affected. If you walk into a room and the energy is fairly upbeat, you will feel good. However, if an emotional manipulator is in the room you can feel the vibe in the room diminish. Being an eternal victim, they can bring a room down with just their emotions. People feel it and will try to cheer the person up. In the end this can be exhausting. If this happens either leaves or steer, clear of them.
They have no sense of accountability.
Emotional manipulators do not take responsibility for their actions at all. They will always turn a situation around to what others have or have not done for them. It amazes me how everyone else in the world can be so wrong and selfish but, the emotional manipulator can do no wrong. A good example. If they say that they will be somewhere with you, but cancel at the last minute. They wont apologize for their actions, they will just turn it around and say, well I had something more important to do and I didn’t think you would mind. No explanation. When this happens identify for what it is and don’t give these people the time of day. They will always let you down.
At some point in our lives we will come across an emotional manipulator. By understanding how they work we can be prepared and not fall into their trap. This can save us a lot of pain and keep our self-worth intact.
I am going to leave you with this thought. Emotional Manipulators have lifelong patterns of deceitfulness for personal gain. They lack remorse and empathy and are wizards at rationalizing away how they hurt and mistreat others.
Love, Light and Blessings
Sylvia
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