By Annelize: I notice a recurring pattern in many of my clients’ relationships and lives. One main central theme about relationships is, will it work out? Will it be restored? Will we get back together again? When will life be back to normal that I had? When will my partner return? When will my husband come back after cheating?
Life is complicated and many times we just want things to return to the “normal” that we had and knew. Unfortunately, things change, and it will probably never be the same ever again. However, we are not doomed, we are given the opportunity to learn, grow, heal and to create something even better than before.
Reason for this is that the time-frame has changed, the situation changed, the people changed, but we still long for a return to the “good old days”. We keep referring to that saying as if the past was better than what can be in the future. It is a lie, many heartaches and pain in our lives would be healed if we learned this very important lesson in life. Everything changes, nothing is constant. We will never be able to return to the previous status quo, but in our minds, we fantasize that things can be the same again. If only this or that could happen, if only I or him or her can change then things will be back to normal.
Life is not that way, and never will be. The sooner we learn the lesson, to enjoy what we have, when we are having a great time in our relationships, or with family, friends or at work, we need to enjoy the moment, because things will change and there will be challenges along the way that will change the balance. When change or uncertainty and difficult situations arise, we need to accept it, and learn from it. Just going back to what we had does not allow growth, or forward movement and will lead to utter disappointment when things do not return to normal as we perceive it. It could even ensure that we get stuck in our past, moving around and around in circles.
In my own life, I have seen it surfaced so many times during the past 4 years. We might be having a wonderful time in a specific place and then suddenly things become difficult or change takes place, sometimes it might be someone that change things, sometimes it is situations out of our control. When in this time of turmoil, it is almost as if to be able to survive this, we start to create a picture or plan how we can go back to what he had or called “normal”. We want or need to create an escape to make this situation look solvable.
All energy is spent on creating a plan, how to go back to what we had, instead of into what is next. What if pressing through this will end in a much better place of growth and life than we ever had before? We are afraid, afraid because we cannot control it, and we cannot always see something good coming from the current difficult situation, we want out, we can’t see any light, so we can only think that what we have is all we have left. We rather hold on to what we think is the best we can ever have, instead of letting go of what was, and moving into the new of what could be, into something much better. This will challenge us into growing, into changing and ultimately into a better place or situation.
The mindset of going back to the old, really set us back and set us up for failure, discouragement and could even lead to low self esteem and depression. Being so focused on regressing back to our “wonderful” past, we do not live in the now, the present. We do not see the real reality of the moment. We are fixated on the future that must be created, to be the same as our known past that were great to us, because this is all we can phantom as the best time of our lives.
I learned that the balance of facing the unknown could be looking at our reality on a different level. First writing down our fantasies, hopes and expectancies, this is the things we want it to return to, the old ways, or the “normal” we think will make us happy again. Pondering what we had, so we want the same again. Secondly, what do we want from this situation? What do we need or want that we think will make us happy? This is the real thing, the things that we really need or lack. Take time to ponder this and write it down. Lastly, write down the reality of what we have right now, the ugly truth that we do not want, would like to change, or run away from. Facing this reality, the truth, will set us free from our insane unreal fantasy world that we so easily create in our minds. Seeing the real reality and truth, we will be able to see that what we long for is past, it is not even real or not ever possible again.
I challenge you today to take time and do this little exercise, whatever situation you are in today, whether in a relationship, or in a family situation or job, I want you to face your reality and the real truth of the situation so we can grow and move forward in life. Get unstuck from your past so you can move into a greater future.
What picture of the past are you holding onto, that is keeping you from stepping into a better future?
Love and Light,