By Brenda: New love and problematic relationships face their biggest challenges during the holiday season. Sometimes you may just wish for a pass during the month of December and the New Year. New relationships during the holidays are wrought with insecurity, pressure to perform and unrealistic expectations. People in new love relationships are filled with the energy of a budding love and want to give and be given to, but is that realistic? Many new relationships are still in the “fun” phase and holiday pressures to perform can fizzle them out fast.
The holidays bring up a whole load of emotions that new partners have trouble dealing with. Then heap on top of it the pressure of gift giving and planning those special dates. And what about that call out of the blue from an ex that evokes unresolved feelings? The ghost of a past relationship that comes back into your life to throw a monkey wrench into your holiday cheer! The good news is that in those situations they rarely pan out and burnout after a flurry of texts and social media messaging. Those that do manage to make it through the holidays usually skid to a stop in the cold light a reality of the new year.
So with this in mind, how would a new or challenged relationship be best managed through the holiday season? One way to do that is to be true to yourself, do not have great expectations, take one day at a time and do not under any circumstance project the negative experiences of your own past relationships on the new one. For those relationships where your love interest is involved with another person or married, stepping back during the holidays and letting them deal with their prior commitments will bring clarity to the both of you.
Holidays tend to bring out the best and worst in people so in knowing that it is important to emphasize the positive and enjoy the little things like a thoughtful card or GIF. A short but romantic meeting at your favorite coffee shop . If you feel the need to buy your new love something special be mindful of their feelings and choose something meaningful as opposed to extravagant so as to not overwhelm or make them feel obligated. The casual, playful approach during the holidays goes a long way in showing your new love partner or potential love partner that you are confident and putting trust in the relationship.
If you are in a love relationship with someone who is either married or in another relationship, the holiday season can be pure emotional torture when you have to spend this time alone. The waiting and challenging communication issues are hard to solve for both sides. Letting it go and trusting that he or she will be back feels like an emotional rabbit hole. The only way to save your sanity is to trust in what you know about yourself and the person you are in love with. Your intense feelings and connections with that person did not come out of nowhere and are very real and putting expectations on the holidays and the New Year can sometimes create negative feelings of guilt and anger and could impede future chances of the relationship working out.
New Year, New Beginnings
So you have made it through the Christmas holidays now what about the New Year? New year, new beginnings can mean many things even an ending that becomes a new beginning. We are subconsciously programmed to expect the New Year to bring new, positive things in to our lives and to leave the negative things from the previous year behind. In the regards to a new relationship many people expect to have to be with that new person and to spend the New Year together in order to cinch the commitment between them. But is that really necessary? In the fragile first weeks of a new relationship one or both of you could be on the wrong page in regards to celebrating the New Year. If your new love has had previous plans to spend it with family or old friends don’t take it personal there is plenty of time to make it up later the New Year can be celebrated all of the month of January!
Setting Boundaries during the Holidays
Taking the stress of the holiday season with good cheer and a positive attitude, letting go of anger and expectations is one thing. Being a doormat and being treated badly is another. The holiday season tends to reveal the true nature of potential and problematic love partners. If your communication with a new partner suddenly goes dark during the holidays and they disappear or ghost you this is not all right. It does not set a positive tone for the future of the relationship and tells you by their actions that this person is not trustworthy or is more involved elsewhere.
Texting takes very little effort and a simple greeting or explanation is something you should expect even if you are just close friends and not lovers yet. On the other hand, if you are involved with someone who is not free to be with you, this is the time for respecting space and being patient not texting, messaging or dogging them for more often than not they are feeling the exact same emotions and are blocked from communication too.
Expect the Unexpected
Letting go and putting your faith in the universe or your own personal spiritual beliefs goes a long way in bringing your own true love to you in the New Year. Even an old love or a complicated relationship can change with the energy of a New Year. When you expect the negative that is often what you get. Putting the seed of love and positivity out into the universe is felt by those around you, especially your love interest and if you change your energy many times they will too. When this happens the clouds can suddenly part and you can find yourself in the relationship you have always hoped and dreamed of!
Love and Light,