Are You Being Shelved?

By Gertrude: First, let me explain the term shelving in a relationship. The best description is when someone isn’t so hot and cold or back and forth. Generally the person shelving is consistent, in so far as how they treat you. However, what they do is only participate in conversations and dating when it suits them. 

In fact, often when we go on a date with them or spend time with them, they are completely and absolutely engaged with us. Taking the time to find out about us, often remembering little things we have told them in the past. This also boosts confidence in them and having a more meaningful or committed relationship and we fall into a very easy rhythm. It makes it difficult to end the relationship or have any real clarity as to where everything stands. 


They will generally be busy with life, work matters often, family and friends will take precedence. The term shelving means they simply shelve you and the relationship until such times as they have free time. Very rarely prioritizing you. 

People who shelve will be very engaging and it is often hard to fault them because they are generally very legitimate and not in any way deliberately playing games or trying to take advantage of you. Often in this type of situation, it is difficult to broach the subject because what they are saying and how they are acting is still respectful and they are authentically often juggling many things. 

Having a conversation with someone who is shelving you can very often make us feel better. As they are very good at convincing us and themselves that things are progressing. However, because the relationship is now in a groove, it can be very difficult to stop this pattern.

When someone has a very busy life, it is legitimately difficult to change that schedule and routine. Many of us struggle to find the time for ourselves with our ever busy world and all the aspects of our lives that we have to take care of. This truly takes a conscious and physical effort to change. 

While shelving might seem harmless and not intentional, it can have a very profound effect on us. Not only are we putting our own lives on a hiatus, we are also prone to second guessing ourselves. 

Another form of shelving happens sometimes in online or long distance relationships and this can be quite different to someone who you are seeing in the physical sense. 

This can occur when someone is talking to more than one person or using dating sites to feel good about themselves and convince themselves they have the time or inclination for a relationship. Because it is often difficult to find the time to date, it’s easy to talk to someone when simply they are feeling lonely or need some romantic vibes to feel good. 

Like any type of relationship blockage, shelving also provides the person being shelved with a lot of insight. What are we doing in our lives that is being put off. Are we doing this to ourselves, to others and this can also occur in all facets and dimensions of our lives. 

This is a more serious side to shelving as it is difficult, especially when they might be talking to multiple people. 

Shelving is also more random. If someone is authentically reaching out in their spare time, this is different to someone reaching out when it suits them. Take note of any common triggers or times they contact you. 

At the end of the day, actions speak louder than words. Even if a person finds it difficult to express themselves, it will be what they are prepared to do to actually convince you they are serious, but simply busy. 

So take this time to authentically clear out what is no longer in your best interests. What needs to be worked on. Not just in the relationship sense. Work, prosperity, friendships can all be shelved to a certain degree. 

Make time for yourself first and foremost. Don’t allow yourself to get steamrolled by your career. Putting things off until you have more time. Or thinking that you can focus on the things that interest you at a later time, when you are less busy. 

Sit down and write down what your goals, dreams and aspirations are. Then format a plan on how you will go about achieving them. Also let go of a time frame. Time can be a burden when we are trying to do too much. When we are exhausted from taking on too much responsibility. 

Don’t fall into the habit of shelving your own plans and what is truly in your best interests. Now is the time to open up to new possibilities and enjoy life more.


Love and Light,


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Specialize in love, relationships, soulmate identification and problem-solving, jobs, career and business questions

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