By Brenda: Is your relationship stalled? Treading water and not going anywhere? Relationships go through stages and these stages should progress towards commitment whether it be a marriage or a committed partnership. This is the brass ring and what a love partner ultimately wants, someone to share a life with, to be a part of all of our adventures and to connect with the deepest regions of our souls.
When you first meet the relationship is all about the attraction, the passion and the excitement of getting to know each other. The Rose Colored Glasses phase is sometimes referred to as the honeymoon stage. This is a time to enjoy yourself and just being with the other person. It is not time in the first few weeks to start questioning is he or her the one? How do they feel about me? Are they in love with me? Bringing up these intense subjects in the early weeks of a relationship can send your lover running for the hills!
After a couple of months and the romance has progressed the intensity may wane as your lover gets more comfortable. He or she may not blow up your phone or text you incessantly. This does not mean they don’t care for you or are not into you but rather they are more sure of themselves and the relationship. This phase however can trigger insecurities and past failures. Tread carefully, try to take a deep breath and have a little faith in your new relationship. Ask yourself: Is he or she still in my life? Am I still seeing them regularly and intimately? If you are then let the relationship evolve. Then you can begin to move into the stages of commitment.
Making things official is the very first baby step towards a commitment. After you have been talking and them and meeting, going on dates and hanging out together you both should know if you want to get to know each other and to move into the boyfriend girlfriend stage. Not to be confused with friends with benefits! For that can become a slippery slope and sometimes does more to break apart a relationship than hold it together!
Building trust is the next ingredient in the recipe for commitment. This trust is formed by letting yourself believe in the other person and allowing them to prove themselves to you. Trust can be fragile and can be broken by suspicion and insecurities and by judging a new lover by the actions of one from the past. Trust is formed not by flowery promises but actions that match your lovers words. It is easy to text and msg but real contact, by phone and in person proves your lover’s intent. In these days of online dating and social media physical meetings are often delayed so finding a real physical relationship can be challenging.
Making plans for the future comes next. Once you have spent time with your new love, built trust and admitted your feelings for one another, your connection and bond becomes stronger. After that the natural progression should be making future plans for the relationship. The plans can start small; A trip together, planning to move in together or getting a pet together. Future plans and the following through of them bring you down the homestretch and towards the beginning of a beautiful life together.
This is not the end of your commitment to one another. Relationships have ups and downs and building strong and trusting foundations can carry you through those difficult times. The initial spark, that karmic connection that brought the two of you together is what will keep you together if you treat it with respect. A sacred core of your relationship that cannot be destroyed by jealousy, insecurities and outside influences, but rather is strengthened by the tough times as well as the good times.
Love and Light,
Brenda
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