By Kirsty: As Valentine’s day approaches, Love is usually at the forefront of our minds. Wondering if we will spend it with our soul mate, or even if we will have found our soul mate by then. Or pangs of sadness as another year passes, and we find ourselves still yearning for unconditional love and companionship.
We place so much emphasis and urgency on finding love and settling down. In fact, for some it becomes almost like an obsession. Manic panic sets in as they are feverishly searching for that someone. All sense of logic and reality seems to fly out of the window. As a reader I can honestly say that Love is the most talked about subject. Broken hearts etched deep into our existence. The questions I get asked more often are “When will I find my soulmate?” or “They are my soulmate, but we have separated, when will we reunite?”. Sadly, often, the news is not good. And then a whole roller-coaster of emotions and thoughts are thrust upon them, right there in those few painful minutes.
Leading to the inevitable questions “Why doesn’t he love me anymore?”, “What did I do wrong?”, “How can I get them back?”. People come to me for answers, and often they do not want to hear the truth or are not ready for it. The focus seems to be on reuniting, rather than what caused the breakup in the first place. Or people are so fixated on finding their soulmate, that they are missing the very issue that is indeed preventing their quest.
I like to help people understand why things happen to them, and why life has taken them down the path that they find themselves on. Almost always there is a common denominator in all these situations. The one thing that is looking them right in the face, yet they are unable to see it. This is quite simply “self-love”, the greatest love of all!
When I point this out to people, the usual response is “Oh well, yes I know I should love myself, but I don’t”. And there it is, right there stumbling from their own lips. Yet they cannot comprehend that without self-love it is impossible to engage in a mutually beneficial and healthy relationship. The lack of self-love manifests as many unwanted traits in a person. Such as jealousy, insecurity, control, anger, and denial are just a few. There is such little importance placed on this, that it seems to be vacant from so many. Very often people want to find love as they feel it will bring them happiness. Not understanding that true happiness must come from within. We can not look to others to make us happy and give us a cause. Looking within is often very daunting, so the easy option is to go in search of a distraction. And the frantic search starts all over again. The cycle has no end, and the heart is broken again and again.
To learn to love one’s self can seem mountainous, and impossible at times. There are a million reasons as to why someone may not like themselves let alone love. It takes time, effort and a proactive attitude to bring change, but change can happen if you want it enough. Spending time reconnecting with yourself, mentally and emotionally is the kindest most beneficial thing you will ever do for yourself.
Be honest with yourself and think about the reasons why you may not love yourself. And start to work on these things, admitting that you may need a little help to do this is a huge step forward. Do not be afraid to seek help or counselling where necessary. There may be things that you are not comfortable thinking about or discussing with others. I can not affirm enough how important a part this is, in the journey of self-love. Open up let those demons out, let them be gone. Spend time meditating and reconnecting with yourself on soul level. Join the gym and start working on yourself from the outside also. Healthy body brings a healthy mind and a healthy heart. Invest time in yourself, working out what you need to do to make you happy. You are worthy, you do have a right to love and be loved.
So, when you are looking for someone to love and spend time with, someone you are supremely comfortable with. Then go and look in the mirror, and there you will find the greatest love of all!
Love and Light,