Surprising Elements Of Self Love

By Annelize: I get it, self love, self care, self affirmations is overrated. These words have been thrown around and even used as selfish behavior. There are many articles about self love, and self care, but I want to look at it from a different perspective. 

Digging deeper into ourselves is probably the most valuable thing we’ll ever do. To be able to move past the Distractor, the inner Procrastinator, the Critic, the Avoider, that is the biggest challenge you will face when you want to start working on yourself.


We have a decision every day to change our lives, to decide to go another direction, to choose a different path, to change the script. Instead of doing this inner work daily, we usually avoid it, and it is only when life’s most challenging situations arise, that we start to look in the mirror and question ourselves, and our lives. A crisis has the way of making us get to a place where we cannot go on as before, we are forced to change direction, because without change it will just be too painful. It could also be an illness, or the death of another person, that challenges us to look inside again. Redefining life and why we are here. Why does it have to be so difficult?

Focusing on ourselves seems selfish, and it feels wrong. We have been taught to put others first, to help others, to change, adapt in order to become more lovable, likable or acceptable to others. Looking from an outside perspective, can give us an enlightened view. Here are the elements we might never have thought could be part of self love and care:

• Our gender, what makes you feel like you are male or female, how do you define who you are? Is it just having long hair, wearing makeup or dresses? Having the sexual organs that define you? Let’s say for example you have one part that makes you feel less male or female, can you love that part, to be able to step out fully in the male and female energy?

• Love, a simple word. What movie can you play in your mind related to that one word? Love includes countless emotions, it reminds us of past hurt, rejection, acceptance, guilt, bitterness, fullness, acknowledgement, and amazing memories. Do you love yourself so much that you have your own back? Do you love yourself the most out of all the people in the world? If everyone else leaves you, turns against you, doubts you, blames you, will you stick it out for yourself?

• Saying no, instead of yes. You feel the guilt, the manipulation, the feeling of dropping your best friend, but even through this, are you able to say no? Can you say no, without feeling guilty?

• Controlling others, and checking in why you want things a certain way. Why do you fold your clothes a certain way, or why do you wear the style of clothes. Why do you have long hair, or short hair? Why do you shave? Why do you want the house clean? Many times we have been trained from a young age to conform and do things a certain way, never challenging ourselves why it must be done that way. Then, we continue with the same patterns towards our children, and expect they follow and do the same. Why do we need to control others? Is it really needed for them to sort the dishwasher as you want it, or fold the socks the same way? Can you allow others to do things differently than how you want them to?

• Allowing others to feel the hurt, anger, pain and sadness, instead of rescuing them, trying to make life better for them, can you just hold the space for them? Instead of trying to take away their pain, can you allow them to grow and become stronger in life? 

• Do you know yourself enough, to know when it is time to get rest, have an early evening, to take a break, to go for a walk, to read a book, to drink a cup of tea? Is this important to you, or just something you do when you really have nothing else to do? 

• You cannot change anyone, no matter how, you cannot change their thoughts, their beliefs, their behavior. You can only change you! Would you allow others to just be, and instead focus on yourself?

With a small break like Easter do we make time not just for family or friends, but also for ourselves? Are we valuable enough to make time for? When the partner is calling, the kids are hungry, the friends and family want to visit. Do you schedule time for yourself? That is self love. Self love does not only include reading a book, taking a bubble bath, having a coffee break with a best friend, writing or drawing. Self love means allowing yourself to be you. Allowing your voice to count. Making decisions that will include your view. Changing patterns and routines to accommodate you. Saying how you feel. When we allow everything around us to dictate who we are, controlling our time, our thoughts, our energy, we will soon start to run on empty, feel exhausted, tired. We start to show up as the worst, and the best for our family is to give them our best. They need to be able to see our best part, but it can only be when we are filled with enough energy and self love, so that we know who we are and what we want in life.

Next time when you hear someone taking time for themselves, support them, do not judge. When you feel self love and self care is a waste of time, or you feel guilty for taking the time, feel it is not important, it can wait. I want you to know that you need to plan and make time, to show up as the best you. To be the best partner, mother, friend, child, sister, brother, employee, boss. We owe ourselves that bit of love and care, so that our love can overflow to others, so we can be a change in the world.


Love and Light,


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Registered Reverend, Metaphysical Practitioner, Reiki Practitioner, Spiritual Counselor, Relationship Expert, Empath and Life Coach

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