This has to be the hardest thing in the world!! My heart deeply goes out to those of you whom their partner has left you and you are still deeply in love with them!! It can feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath your feet, like a knife has cut your lifeline and all that you have ever known is gone in an instant. I am sitting here, holding you in a space of deep love and compassion, because it has to be the hardest thing in the world.
I know of this pain, I speak deeply from experience. I am here for you, to help you heal through this time, and how can get your life back on track – maybe they will come back into your life and maybe they won’t, but the key here is to find your self-confidence and self-worth again, so that you can be the attractive and happy you, that you were when they first came into your life. Because THIS is what is attractive to people!
Relationships end for numerous reasons, too many to list, yet there are some key points that they evolve from:
– Lack of Communication
– Lack of Passion, Care & Interest
– Being Stuck in Routine
We all have a responsibility in relationship, to take care of ourselves. When we start to rely on the other person to make us happy, we fall into ruts and routines and ‘wait for the other person’ to make us happy. When we do this, we create an unbalanced relationship, where one person is always giving, never receiving and arguments usually stem from this place. When we rely on the other person to meet needs of our happiness, when those needs and unspoken expectations don’t happen, we feel let down, abandoned, left alone and usually an argument of some sort is born.
Usually we repeat this cycle over and over until someone decides to leave the relationship. This can come unexpectedly and creates a huge shock wave through our life, when we realise how much we deeply loved them and still do! “I want them back!! How can this possibly be!!”
It is important to understand that in any relationship break up, there is a 4 stage grieving process that can make us do things we don’t usually do. It is really important to honour this grieving process. This 4 stages, looks something like this:
1 – Shock and Denial: the rug has deeply been pulled out from your feet, your world has turned upside down, feels like a knife has cut through your heart, you still blame the other person (finding all the faults/arguing), you are in a lot of fear (trying to hold onto memories to get them back, sending ‘happy’ photos or good times you had),
2 – Anger: This is where you can be very angry, at yourself, at them, at your work, your neighbour, everyone has contributed somehow to this break up, you can be in a lot of anxiety, you may go out on dates or join a dating site with other people to ‘get back at your ex’, or to show them you are still worthy and that ‘look you are going to lose me’, or to try and win them back through kind gestures. Once you see that isn’t working or doing anything to your ex, from here you can drop into a deep sadness, a deep depression.
3 – Depression: Nothing has meaning anymore, what is the point of your life without them in it, all your dreams, hopes and futures had them in it and now they are gone, crying deeply is very healing here, you can also have no energy or motivation for your daily life, everything is ‘too hard’
4- Return to Life: Here, you start to come out of your hole, your cocoon, you start reaching out to other people for help, to share your story and give hope to others. You start to find yourself again and realise you can live life, you can continue, you have a new plan in place and you are living again – with happiness, you have YOU back, and YOU can do and have anything in the world you want.
This 4 stage process, is crucial to healing and is a very normal process to go through when your ex leaves you! It is also important to remember – it can take a lot of time to heal through this! You may also jump to stages as well, and go back and forth between them.
So, how do I get my ex back? Find YOU! Find yourself again. Usually when a relationship ends, you have lost yourself, your happiness, your life. When you start focusing on you and your life, you bring zest and aliveness back into you and if you remember back to when you met them – you were probably at your best right? So, you want to find your best again – find that happy YOU. What hobbys do you enjoy? Go do them! Do you have friends that you can go and have a lunch date with? No? Well, there are plenty of meet up groups you can source online in your local area to make new friends. How is your health? Do you need to join a local gym? Go for nature walks? What health routines do you have for yourself?
Why do all this? How on earth will this get my ex back??? Because when you are taking care of yourself in these ways – yourself shines bright with happiness and love, because you are looking after you! Just like a mother would care for her child, so to do you need to care for you. When you are shining bright with happiness and life, you become very attractive to people – people want what you have and want YOU. Your ex will be like, ‘Hey, what’s going on here? Where’s this happiness come from again? This is how you were when I met you!’ And who knows, with all your new enthusiasm for life and love for yourself again, you may just meet someone new at those new meet ups and hobbys you have in common.
So let your heart heal, give yourself time to grieve, as long as you need, find a supportive doctor, mentor, family and friends and let yourself have your life back. You and your heart deserve it. That’s why.