By Carmel: Most of us have been in this situation whether we are the ones who just want to be friends with a person we care for or the person we love sees us only as a friend.
It is indeed a happy circumstance when both people accept a true and deep friendship for what it is and allow for it to exist independently of any longing for a different commitment with appropriate boundaries and the fact is some of us have and do experience friendships like this!
I went to write a deeper commitment above in relation to a love relationship but in fact, friendship is not necessarily less powerful an emotion than romantic love as it is indeed a form of love and a very important one.
We often have friends who go on in our lives much longer than some relationships last and indeed in the history of humankind, a love of all sorts and types have existed between people so we need to keep our mind open and broad on this fact. The ancient Greeks defined several types of love and friendship from agape, which is love for everyone to eros or sexual passion to philia which is deep friendship to ludus or playful love to pragma which is longstanding love.
To return to the point, though what do we do when a friend of either sex wants more then to just be a friend and we do not and how do we deal with longing for friends to pick up and realise we want a lot more than an agape connection or a platonic role in their lives or more even again than the deepest friendship like the philia kind?
There is also the situation where one of our lovers end the relationship, but still wants to be friends, but we do not accept this or or do not feel comfortable with the role offered to us of a friend.
To look at it from a spiritual perspective, we need to feel that we relate to other souls. We are told often by scientists that we may be the only intelligent life beings existing on a planet in space and time that is here on planet Earth, and although some of us believe we are not alone, it is a natural human psychological and spiritual need we all have to form close bonds and loving relationships with others and many times, those bonds are outside our own families or in addition to family ties. Yet we humans are complex creatures and we need more than just friendships, we need loving friendships. Think of the kind of bonds you see depicted in science fiction movies where the most intense friendships are created between human beings, or even fictional aliens cast together in a vast vacuum of space like “Star Trek “. The amazing thing is that some of these relationships exist in real life too and survive all the challenges forming life long and bonding ties. I also see the spiritual side to having close ties with another human soul on the journey with us but let us be clear, the type of friendship I am speaking of is the kind that is wholly from both of the individuals’ free wills, both parties to it must be content and absolutely cool about the form of the connection.
When you dearly love a person but you do not want a romantic connection with him or her, one must if one can be as honest as possible while remaining sensitive to the feelings of the person you care for. I speak to many people who long for love yet are confused by the term friendship. Friendship exists with romance or without it, it is a transformational relationship where one person cares about you in a unique way. We can love someone with a fantastic passion, forsaking reason or propriety and convinced he or she is our true twin flame, but if that person is not our friend as well, the love we feel maybe destined to hit the rocks when the intensity has waned and we have really gotten to know the partner. Study carefully long term soulmates who weathered all life’s storms, can you honestly find one couple who lasted who were not in some way at heart, true friends too? I would say you would be very challenged to do so if you are honest with yourself.
Realizing how very special friendship is can make it easier to deal with the complex situations, one finds oneself in, where one party to the connection wants more eg and you do not.
Start by emphasizing that you do have a wonderful connection if indeed you have one, but that you have to be honest with the friend and let them know that you do not wish to feel that there will be a romantic link or feeling between you as far as you know. Be honest but gentle placing yourself in the position of the other person in order to do so. If all else fails and the other person is unable to be your friend in the way you need, allow him or her to walk away and with a sense of dignity assuming that that is the best way to let it end. Where you are the person who wants more than a friendship, be honest about why you are in the connection with the other person, as if he or she does not or cannot offer you the sort of relationship you want, it could be better to let go of the person for at least a while rather than go on waiting for a love that may not come to pass in the way you want. My advice is usually to leave the door open as later on, when the intensity and the emotions have calmed down you may well find you can be a friend with the person anyway but I find only people who are very mature emotionally can look at it this way. You are always free to walk away from an offer of friendship after love, as in the situation where your partner wants to end the romance but ‘remain friends’. It may not be possible for you to switch off the feelings you have had for that person and accept that they are now free to have other lovers or pursue other dreams. In such a case loving yourself is the important thing to do, let go of what is past without bitterness if you can and let yourself go free, to live and love again, believe me, it can and will happen if you believe it will.
On the spiritual side, I feel that we meet every person in our lives for a purpose and to learn something from him or her. One of the greatest lessons we all have is to learn to value what and who we are with all our unique and wonderful differences. First be your own best friend and you will find your circle of friendship grows wider as you do. If you have friends and now want romantic love, it is perfectly natural, but it is wiser to accept that there is great joy in many types of love and friendship is a very valuable and necessary part of your life and being. Look out for special friends and be open to being both a friend and a partner in the future. It is highly important to realise that if you learn to love yourself you will see love and friendship in a far more joyous way and be far more likely to attract and keep both. You must in the first place believe in you and the wonderful being you are. Your angels and guides are with you to help you to do this.
If you would like to discuss your relationships with me for further enlightenment, please contact me for chat or a phone reading herein.
Love and Light,