Fed up – Fix it

Don’t let these common myths block your path to happiness!

1. I’ll be Happier Tomorrow

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking happiness will happen once you have achieved all your goals, but if you do that you will end up concentrating so hard on how much better life could be that it will stop you appreciating what you have already got.

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How to fix this blockage:

Postponing happiness to a future date means you will never enjoy it. By all means aspire to greater things, but enjoy every minute along the way. Enjoy your food, smell the roses, pat a cat, dog or whatever it takes for you to enjoy the day.

2. It Won’t Last

Are you too afraid to let yourself be happy because you think life will bring you crashing back down? You need to realize that if you don’t take a risk, you will end up missing out. Life is a gamble and you need to be bold and go for what you want. Just because you were hurt in a previous relationship or let down in another way, doesn’t mean the same thing will surely happen again.

How to fix this blockage:

Stop expecting the worst, and think positively. If you expect the worst, it tends to happen. This is often comes as self-sabotage in relationships or perhaps at a job interview and the interviewer picks up your negativity. Remember that it is better to have been happy for a short while than stuck in a familiar, but depressing, situation. You might as well enjoy the good times you already have.

3. He has to Change

Example: Sue a young mother of two, had convinced herself that if her husband, Steve, was just a bit more ambitious, worked harder and secured a promotion, she would have everything. However, if, like Simon, your partner is perfectly content with his life and job the way they are, spending your life waiting for him to change is setting yourself up to feel let down when he doesn’t alter his life.

3a. They have Got to Change

How to fix this blockage:

Making your happiness conditional on someone else means you are avoiding taking responsibility for your own feelings and ambitions. Of course it is only fair to expect your partner to do their fair share of the housework or to be affectionate towards you, but you have to decide whether this is an important change that could make your relationship better. Perhaps you are just using it as an excuse. If a partner or friend does not make you happy, either learn to live with that person or decide if you want him or her in your life at all.

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4. I Don’t Like Myself

When you are unhappy, it is easy to think everything in your life is wrong. The only solution seems to be a big change – give up your job, relationship, move house – to make a fresh start. Perhaps if you were not bothered that you have put on weight, you wouldn’t row with your partner because nothing fits anymore.

How to fix this blockage:

Try and work out the real reason you are feeling down. Next learn to like, respect and value yourself as you presently are – faults and all. For example, if you are truly unhappy about your current job, stand in front of a mirror each morning, smile and confidently say, 10 times, “I am good at what I do.” If you have tried everything in that department and still feel stuck in a miserable job – start looking or training for another job whilst you have current employment. If it is your relationship that is the current problem a suggested book that may assist is “Really Relating – by David Jansen & Margaret Newman, available from Dymocks Bookshops, Angus and Robertson and some libraries. If that fails, reassess your relationship, perhaps it is truly time to move on.

5. They Owe Me

Having a chip on your shoulder about how much praise you deserve from others can have a negative effect – if those expectations are not fulfilled, you will be disappointed. If you become too obsessed with getting what you think you deserve out of life, you can also lose sight of how much you already been given. Example: Janice 30, was convinced her life had been difficult and, because of that, felt she deserved more success at work. Although she had a high-powered job, she still expected constant praise and got depressed if she did not get it.

How to fix this blockage:

Be your own best critic. You know when you have done something well, so give yourself credit for it rather that searching for appreciation from other people. There is nothing wrong with having pride of a job well done. Modesty has it place in this world, but do not go overboard on it.

6. I Don’t Deserve It

One of the most common beliefs is that happiness is something you have to work hard for and earn – and many people feel they don’t deserve to be happy. Being depressed all the time is not going to help. Think it much easier it is to cheer up a friend who is going through a down period if you yourself are feeling good.

How to fix this blockage:

Do not feel guilty about being happy. Remember that a good mood can actually be infectious and the better you feel, the easier it is to spread some of that job around to your friends and family. It also works the other work – sadness and depression is also infectious. Please don not spread that one around – there is already enough of that in this world.

7. I Wish I Looked Different

There is probably something about your appearance that you really don not like. Whether you think your nose is too big and plastic surgery is the answer, or you are desperate to be two sizes slimmer or bigger. It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that by changing the way you look you will automatically make yourself happier. Unless you are seriously deformed or disfigured by an accident – plastic surgery is not the answer.

How to fix this blockage:

It is important to keep these ideas in proportion and stop giving yourself a hard time about the way you look. Remember that when it comes to looks and personality, nobody is perfect, so stop trying to be. Acceptance of yourself – of your looks and your situation – is a huge part of being happy.

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