By Gertrude: Whoever said love wasn’t easy certainly knew what they were talking about. And in terms of that quite often we find ourselves in a situation where our partner or the person that we are having feelings for has become somewhat of a project.
This happens in a relationship, it can be extremely challenging. It is important if you are going through this to take some time out to readjust so that you are looking at the situation in a calm way, not clouded by emotion. But powered by emotion.
Is where effective communication is key. Times we simply have to start a conversation. However, often for numerous reasons, it is awkward and we find ourselves procrastinating.
While we all know this the skill of asking questions and listening isn’t always easy. Being honest with ourselves and our partners or the person we want to be with is critically important. This isn’t something that is always easy as we become very vulnerable. Especially if we are opening up about our feelings and our future.
However, this is about working out your issues and problems together so that you can begin a relationship or deepen the one you already are in. It takes effort, understanding and trust and going through a difficult time doesn’t always mean it has to end.
The first thing that is important is to pick the right time to discuss these matters. If you have to write down what it is that you want to say. Don’t feel awkward in bringing your notes with you. That way if you are feeling somewhat emotional you can tap into them. It also means that you can address all the things that you are feeling.
Best way to approach this is in a face to face situation. Where your tone of voice and facial expressions are clear. That way you get a gauge of what the other person is thinking. Conveying your feelings is much better this way.
You have established that it will take you to the next important phase which is remaining calm. That is why I always suggest that you write down what it is you want to say if you feel that you’re going to be overwhelmed by emotion.
When we are clear with our intentions, mood and expressing what is important to us clearer and we are able to express ourselves in a way to be heard without too much emotion that can put us back.
We are in or trying to establish a relationship and we can have a tendency to bottle things up. It is very important that we don’t. This doesn’t mean that we have to be overly emotional or say something at the time. It is a good idea to certainly understand what you are feeling before expressing it.
Don’t allow yourself through the actions of our day to day life to get stuck in a groove. Think of this like you are packing to go away on holidays. There is only so much you can stuff into a suitcase before it is overflowing and you can’t close it. Often when that happens we just repack what we really do need. So it is always in your best interests to vent your emotions. Even if it is to a friend, counselor or someone you trust.
One of the most important aspects of a relationship is both parties ability to listen to the other person. Even if you don’t agree with what they are saying. Even if they blame you or think something is their fault, understand that is their perception. You don’t have to agree or take it on board, it’s not for you either to change their mind on the subject. Just that you agree to listen and understand that is their truth even if it isn’t yours.
Communication and conversations are a two way street. Sometimes if a person or both people are emotional we can often interrupt or talk over the other person if we disagree. Mostly this is a defensive action as we want to get our point across. However, it must be agreed that we take the time to hear the other person out.
While it is important to respect each other’s differences the most important thing is to always consider what is best for you. Especially if communication has broken down and you can’t agree on a resolution.
Not everything can be fixed up all at once and sometimes factor in that both or either one of you need some more time to sort themselves out. To truly know what it is you want for yourselves as individuals but also what you want as a couple.
I would love to have a consultation with you so that we can look into your individual situation, no matter what the stage or state of your current relationship.
Love and Light,
Gertrude
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