By Ms.Mandi: From the title of this article, you might be wondering what on earth am I talking about. You could be forgiven for thinking I am some egocentric individual for not wanting to stay friends with someone because I love myself.
But self-love is not egocentric. It’s the base, the core and the foundation of who we are.
This is a big topic that cannot be explained in its entirety in this article. However, today I want to focus on loving yourself and putting yourself first and protecting your heart in situations where we have an attraction and feelings towards someone we are friends with but for one reason or another, they are not able or willing to reciprocate and give us what we deserve.
I write this as a reminder and self-empowerment for you, for me, for all of us going forward, that’s ever been in a situation, is currently in a situation or ever finds themselves in a situation where we didn’t love ourselves enough to say NO.
Let me explain and paint the picture for you. I am sure you will understand and relate to this very well.
It’s not that rare of a scenario, most of us have been there. We have a friend that we like as more than a friend, attraction sparks, feeling develop, you can’t stop thinking about them, you find yourself turning to them for help, advice and a shoulder to cry on when the going gets tough.
You communicate with each other most days if not every day. Each morning, there’s a ‘Good Morning’ greeting you from them on Skype, WhatsApp, Messenger or whatever means you use to communicate. You find your heart racing and a smile on your face when you hear from them. When you don’t hear from them, you wonder what they’re doing, are they thinking of you too and are they missing you like you miss them.
You chat throughout the day. You find yourself chatting more to them, telling them about your day, your plans, the things you’re doing. Heck, you even envision a life with them, then one day you gain the courage to tell them how you feel and what you want.
Then Bang! Almost instantaneously, just like the strike of a clock everything seems to come to a standstill.
• Feel the same about you and want the same thing as you do, in which case all is well. But all too often this is not the case and they may:
• Not feel the same about you
• Timing might be wrong
• Are unable or won’t offer you what it is you need.
To top it all off they tell you, can’t we just be friends? So, we lie to ourselves and say yes, we can just be friends because we don’t want to lose them. We secretly hope by remaining friends that something may change in our favor.
From here conversations turn easily awkward, misunderstandings are on the rise, possibly even arguments too and we look for signs that maybe they have had a change of mind and heart and are willing to have more than just friendship with us.
It’s self-torture. And god forbid the waiting turns from days, to weeks, to months and in some cases years. Life moves on, time never stands still and yet we look back with bitterness and resentment on time wasted, hurt feelings, and disappointment for something that was never meant to be. If they don’t share the same feelings as you do, it’s unlikely that things will change… not always the case but generally.
Timing may be wrong, they might already be in a relationship with someone else, or they are getting over a painful break up or maybe they have issues in their life that needs resolving before they can feel ready to embark on a relationship with you or anyone else for that matter.
Maybe they tell you they are working on their issues and will be okay in a few months. Do you really want to sit around waiting to see if this is going to go in your favor? What if things change? What if in a few months nothing has changed and they still won’t give you what you need? Then what? You might have missed the boat with the one who CAN give you what you need.
We all have freedom of choice. Do you choose to wait or move on? Do you stay in the friendship or end it? These are not easy choices to make and every situation is unique and individual as you are. Only you know what’s best for you. As long as you’re truly honest with yourself, you will make the right decision for you.
If you decide to stay in the friendship, you need to ask yourself what are you staying for? Are you okay with just being friends? Are you okay with your friend starting a relationship with someone new? Be honest with yourself. If you’re okay with the fact that things may not turn out with them the way you want and you’re truly happy to just be friends with them and your feelings and attraction to them is not going to get in the way, then you might find that you are evolved enough to stay in this friendship without any heartache or disappointments down the line.
But if you are like most of us (myself included!) where it would just be too much waiting around to see what unfolds, for them to be ready to give us what we need, for them to begin developing feelings or whatever else needs to happen in order for this friendship to turn into a relationship, then the best and kindest thing you can do for yourself is to end the friendship. COMPLETELY end it, walk away. If they cross the line and don’t understand your boundaries after you have told them that you are ending the friendship then BLOCK them. This won’t be easy, but you will thank yourself later for the all the pain, heartache, wasted time and misunderstandings you avoided.
Taking action such as this may seem extreme to some, but I have come to learn that taking care of your heart and making yourself a priority, LOVING YOURSELF and looking out for your best interest will yield you the best results in your life. If you don’t look after you, no one else will.
In closing, I would like to share this quote from an unknown source…
“Sometimes you just gotta be your own hero and save your own little heart. Because sometimes the people you can’t imagine living without can actually live without you.”
Lots of love, blessings and self-empowerment,
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