By Sheri: When relationships break up and you jump right into a new one without a break, the baggage of the past follows you. At the moment you may not feel it does, however, as the new relationship progresses, little things that the other person does or says (or doesn’t do) start to bring up anger and resentments and the biggest elephant in the room – mistrust.
As I walked my path in life, I have witnessed this in several stages, and yes, in the past this was me as well.
It is imperative that you deal with the hurts and issues of each relationship before moving into the next one for your own well-being and for the well-being of the new relationship. Otherwise, you will start the cycle of the same things happening over and over and over again. This is not healthy for you or the people you get involved with.
I do not judge those that are seeing other people while in a relationship (sometimes marriage) with another, because again, I have been there. I know how easy it is to fall into the arms of someone that shows interest in you or makes you feel beautiful or special after being with someone that just assumes you know. I understand it very clearly, however, now I understand this from a new perspective.
Marriages and relationships are not always in the honeymoon stage that they are for the first couple of years. They get comfortable and they require work to sustain them in a healthy way and not run to the first person outside that shows you some attention. Know that your partner is not thinking “I don’t love you anymore”, they are usually thinking, “I am so comfortable with this person”. And then there’s the other side of this. Are you making the effort to show love, kindness and joy each day? Not always easy when you feel the other person is not making the same effort back. However, this is where the energy comes from… You. Your energy creates your reality and you simply set a time limit to put in the effort (solid effort not a half-hearted one) and if nothing changes, you walk away and take the time to release any hurts, anger or resentments of the relationship you walked away from. If you don’t, nothing will change. You will walk into a new exciting adventure with someone and after a few months, it will be a repeat of what you left.
I often tell people that if some of the first words to come from a new date have to do with their ex – run the other way. It means that they have not dealt with the issues and still hold a lot of either love, resentments, anger and mistrust towards them and it will eventually be put on you. How many of you have gone on that first date and within the first hour, the discussion turns to ex’s and what they have done. This is not a healthy start to any new relationship – ever. This is simply a lost soul that does not know how to let go or clear the baggage out.
Take time to look at your life, inside out. Who do you still hang onto in your soul? What feelings are you carrying day after day for something that is no longer relevant. Now take the time to write these things down on paper and simply rip it into small pieces and burn it in either a fire pit or steel bowl. This is turning your baggage into ashes and allowing you to move forward free of the stuff that would weigh you down or block a new healthy relationship to blossom.
Blessings to you always,