By Annelize: We each arrive with an unknown amount of sand in the hourglass of life. Not knowing how much time we have, we just live life as if we have infinity available. During childhood it feels like we have all the time, time goes so slow and we are in control of our life mostly consisting of play. As a child, we are present most of the day and we experience life to the fullest. Most children are feeling light and happy about life. From childhood we start to mature, and we get older and we soon start to realize that every moment counts.
That every minute we have just goes by, whether we are fully present or not. We start to carry the weight of the world, the issues, the worries, the concerns and we lost touch with the present reality. We mostly live in the past or the future and maybe a small moment in the now, the present.
We plan our days to make use of every minute, we plan our lives, our families’ lives just so we can live. We need to work or study, we need to eat, exercise, be creative, do the daily chores and we need to have fun. All of these must fit into 7 days a week, about 16 hours a day.
Then one day, we are met with trauma, grief or an accident, something happens in our life and everything just stop. It froze, our life was just shaken, shattered and it did not continue as before. It is almost as if a part of you was ripped out. The timeline you had cannot continue and somehow you must connect to the new timeline in your life. Those “in-between” places are the most difficult ones to go through. As we are used to living a certain way, suddenly everything we knew, changed. Unfortunately, most of the time we have no choice but to go through this, we must accept the fact that life will never be the same again, ever. The battle starts here because this period is a place of no time. I call it no time as when you go through these “in-between” places you will never know how much time it will take to heal and to be able to move forward.
We all want time to fly by, especially in this period, we want things to just go back to normal to what we knew, that we came to treasure. But unfortunately, we can never go back there, we can treasure the beautiful memories of what was, but that is gone. We must press through; we must stay “in-between” until we are ready to move forward with the new timeline life has given us. Time changes everything becomes true and become your new way of living.
Looking forward to when the new will start, when you will be able to wake up again with a passion for life, looking forward to a new day, the moment when you know you are ready to stand on your feet again. The process in the “in-between” is excruciating, it breaks you in ways you never knew before, it cuts deeper than a knife and hurts like hell. Pieces of flesh torn apart, laying on the ground. Bare and open like you never felt before. You must feel the pain when you just want to be numb. You want to protect your heart, build a fence around it, to keep the hurt outside. But you can never sustain this hardness, the numbness, the robotic life, as we were not made to keep it all enclosed. Something will give, your heart, your mind, your body, something will give up letting the emotions out. So, we can choose how long we want to but sometimes these parts give up for our own good, so we can face the hurts, the sadness, the abuse, the horrors, the nightmares, as facing them head-on is what is required of us.
But somewhere here where the time stands still, and no time exist, we are given the grace to just be for a while, to allow us the time to heal. To give us a time just to re-balance again, to give us the time to hover a bit. We need to use this time to just soak up the sadness, to soak up the fear, to soak up the trauma, the hurts and the unbearable heaviness loaded on the spirit. The moment we allow no time to enter we are stretched to a different shape. We will never be the previous form, but we need to heal to go forward. We need to know that we are allowed time to heal, and no one can tell you how long you need to heal. It might take a month, six months, a year or even longer. It is your life, it is your hurt, your trauma and you need to know that you have all the time you need to heal. Do not allow society, family or friends to pressure you to heal sooner and just move on if you are not ready to. You will know when the healing starts, and when it is in such a way that you can face life again. I feel that we are not allowed to mourn, to grief, to be sad and feel heavy, we are expected to always look and feel happy, because people don’t know what to do when you tell them that you are falling apart. You are not OK, you are sad, you are bitter, you feel like shit, you are afraid, scared, angry, frustrated and broken. People don’t know what to do with these emotions, because this makes them feel vulnerable, realize their own frailty, realize their own weaknesses and feelings of unsatisfaction.
I have experienced in moments like these we are alone, we are so alone, even with friends and family being around as support, when all are gone, it is just you and your feelings. This is where the truth and reality often kick in, and where self-love starts to play a role. If you struggle with self-love this will be the first battle that you will need to overcome, because no one can really console you, comfort you, as they leave you and go back home. You need to be able to soothe and comfort yourself. To know that you are good enough to receive the love and comfort you need now. You are with yourself every day, every minute and you can be there for yourself. Self-love is the first step to take towards healing. Focusing on yourself will help you heal, even when you need to be there for others, you need to take time for yourself to heal.
Then one morning you wake up and you can somehow see yourself on the other side, like you can look as an outsider into the situation. Moving into that space helps a lot as somehow that heaviness lifted just a little bit, and you can start to see things a little bit different. Seeing this differently, feeling it differently, slowly but surely you embraced the emotions, the trauma, the grief, you allowed them to do their own thing. Slowly time starts to tick again, some days time still halts, other moments you feel it ticks again, you feel a little ray of light in you trying to break through.
The process of “in-between” is a slow process and we each need to take all the time we need to heal, because if we don’t heal, we will never move forward into the new timeline where we can live a fulfilled life. Give yourself or the ones you love enough time to embrace this process in life. Allow them the grace given to have a period of no time to heal. This is the best gift one is offered and can give someone.
Love and Light,