Victim Or Victor?

By Jessica: If I call you a victim, how do you react? There are generally two quite distinct reactions to that word. The first, most common reaction is a horror and denial that that word could ever be linked to a person as strong, as resilient, as self-reliant and independent as you. The second reaction is a yielding collapse of relief that your inner reality has been seen and recognized. Both reactions are typical of living life in victimhood, as most of us are to some degree or another.

What does it mean to be a victim? On a mundane earth-plane level, it means that you feel you are in a situation that you cannot change because of undue forces of other people or your environment. On an intellectual level, it means that you are only seeing the outside issues and refusing to recognize your inner issues. On an emotional level, it means you are numbing a part of yourself instead of embracing it. On a spiritual level, it means that you are blinded from taking responsibility for the wonderful being that the Divine has made you and you are trying to throw that creation back in the face of the Divine.

jessica3 If I am in a long-term relationship or situation where I am routinely feeling physical or emotional pain, shame, resentment or guilt, then it’s time to stop and ask myself – am I a victim? If we were fortunate enough to have the benefit of hindsight in the present, then we would see that we are choosing to stay in the position we are in. That’s our part, that’s what we take full responsibility for and that is how we empower ourselves. As a client said to me recently: “It’s about recognizing that I am choosing to be in this relationship where there is a lot of hassle with only occasional pockets of fun. I can’t do a thing to change him, so I empower myself by knowing I am choosing to be here until I am ready to leave – it’s nothing to do with him.”

If you are seeing a painful situation clearly and the other people in that situation are not – who has the problem? You do. Knowing that instantly brings empowerment; now you have choices – solve your problem, stay and live with your problem, or walk away. A more uncomfortable truth is that if we are hurting and allowing ourselves to be abused, we are also hurting any other person involved, by allowing them to assume it’s OK to abuse, belittle, ignore or dismiss another human being.

There are certain actions which bring me out of victimhood, ancient truths, the first action is to define what I have chosen in this person or situation and work outwards from there. An important part of that is recognizing and owning my part in any negative situation and taking responsibility for it, even if that part is 0.01% of the problem, owning it empowers me. The second action is to apologize to that person, face to face or in writing, I do that for myself, not for them. If I think it might be harmful to them to openly apologize, I just write it out for me to read and destroy. The third part is visualizing every goodness coming to the person, situation or environment that you feel victimized by, whether it is current or past. This is the stage that really works the magic – on all levels from practical, through emotional to spiritual. You don’t even have to mean it when you start, but just keep doing it, day after day, and notice what starts to happen.

The journey from victim to victor continues, as fast as we will allow it. Just like any other emotional addiction, or habit, it fills a space we are terrified to fill with its rightful occupant; the Divine. As we go deeper and deeper into understanding and freeing ourselves of old emotional baggage and bondage, we find more cleverly refined layers of victimhood. Each another opportunity for deep personal empowerment, an opportunity to slowly learn new dances, dances of love and joy and freedom. The steps of which are so very simple, but not at all easy – we clumsily learn to dance with our demons whilst they whisper poison in our ears before collapsing into empty carcasses of dust.

This is what we are all called to do, each of us on our pilgrim’s path through the fraught landscape of modern life, dancing with demons until they collapse and we are free of another, and another, and another. We are called to an ancient practice of emotional alchemy, which transforms every seeming pain and challenge into an ongoing crusade towards the centre of our Being, towards the Divinity of our own nature.


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Love and Light,


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