By Ann: At first everything is rosy and wonderful until the dust settles, then we start to see the real person. Friendship is important to start with, then romance and love builds from that. Communication is especially important because we are not mind readers and cannot assume we know the other person. Talking, texting, phone calls are all ways to communicate with each other. Understanding each other’s needs is important and being able to express them to each other.
We all have basic physical needs, and we also have emotional needs. We all need touch, intimacy, loving words, and kindness shown. Even animals show affection to each other, and we can learn from the animal kingdom how to treat each other. Sex is not love, though it can be more than just physical it can be a form of loving someone and showing that we care by wanting to please each other.
How we understand each other can make or break a relationship and can deepen our bonds with each other. We will not always get it right, but patience and compassion and love will help if you are willing to understand each other. Sometimes it is not what we say, but now we say it and our tone and body language, and loving words and affection go a long way. Feeling a part of each other’s lives can build on that bond. This does not mean we need to spend 24/7 with each other as we all have a need for space and our own interests and time to reflect and think. Being respectful of each other will deepen our feelings and our closeness to each other.
Security and trust in a relationship is important no matter how strong we think we are. Respecting each other’s boundaries takes time to learn. Some people find it hard to show affection, but can demonstrate their love by the way they talk and kind acts. It is all very well to say you love someone, but it is a different matter to show it and we all need to feel loved.
The Golden Rule to “treat someone as you want to be treated” is something to remember. Men and women are quite different, and our perception of a situation may be quite different from the reality of the situation. This is where communication is especially important and not to be moody and not to play “no talkies” but to settle things before the sun sets. Feeling valued is important and feeling a priority in someone’s life can make you feel special. Sometimes each person may have other matters that take priority and once we understand that we can respect each other. Honesty, tact, and respect are acquired qualities to have so as not to hurt each other’s feelings.
Remember, we have had different upbringings, homelife, and beliefs. Listening is more than just hearing. It involves eye contact and not facing our body away from the person, but to be approachable and relaxed and you get more flies with honey than vinegar so be kind and talk kindly without shouting and raising voices. Encourage your partner to be more open and affectionate if they struggle with this. Closeness requires physical touch not just in the bedroom. Foreplay can be verbal and playful talk any time of the day. Watch the King of the jungle, the lion and his lioness, he is so loving to her, and she responds with a lot of affection while they are just relaxing together. Couples can learn from that and maybe love making would be more often fun and enjoyable not just a chore.
Love and Light