By Ann: There are a few reasons why people stay in a relationship or a marriage. It could be because of financial reasons or emotional reasons. Guilt can also be a reason, especially if there are children involved. For whatever reason, if you feel trapped then, this is not a healthy environment. Your partner may be very controlling with money or using children as a weapon.
Sometimes family culture may make it hard to leave because of external family pressure. It may be because you are looking after a sick mate or are in a business together. Some may be in an abusive situation and fear leaving.
You may have tried relationship counselling to no avail and still feel you are in a toxic relationship. A mother may fear becoming a single mother and fear being independent looking after children and the breadwinner may dread paying support or losing assets. Loneliness can be a reason people stay together and fear of feeling lost. Either way, your freedom is being compromised. It is not a blame game as people grow apart through no fault of their own. A person’s confidence can become exceptionally low, and this is the time to start to have your own interests and passions and doing the things that make you feel happy.
Being in a loveless marriage is lonely, or continually arguing and bickering is unhealthy and can affect your health and wellbeing causing sleeplessness, illness, depression, and anxiety and slowly kills you. This is not a healthy environment for children who look to parents as role models. Children pick up on their parent’s behavior and may bring the same behavior into their adult life and relationships.
As we get older, we grow and change and sometimes two people do not grow together or accept these changes. Sometimes love and affection stops, which can be very damaging. Communication breaks down and no one listens to each other anymore. Relationships are a two-way street, and you get what you give. The giver can become tired of always giving and can become hurt when taken for granted. Communication is the first action to take and to be listened to. If you have tried everything possible and you feel you are at the end of the road then you need to accept this. Leaving still may be hard and take time to accomplish. The receiver can act like they have no idea and say they did not see this coming or lay the guilt trip on the other person to absolve themselves of any responsibility. This is a form of emotional abuse by not giving your partner the respect they deserve and is very dishonest. Abuse can come in many forms, not just physically and is unacceptable. Once you have made your feelings clear and try to help your partner understand you will feel empowered and confident. Even if they do not agree it is your right as a human being to speak your mind and not to be undermined or belittled.
Counselling for yourself can help along with a good friend or family member that is trustworthy and has your best interests at heart. Maybe you have met someone new, and this is up to the person’s conscience, and no one can judge you. We are all entitled to be happy and there is nothing wrong wanting to be with someone who makes us feel good about ourselves. If you do not fall into the same traps and learn to be happy with yourself first and learn from your lessons in life to take with you on your life’s journey.
Love and Light,