The Seven Stages Of A Relationship

By Gertrude: All life oscillates. Every living thing has a cycle. That is the wheel of the universe. As a holistic counselor, I have identified the 7 phases of a relationship. The one we have most importantly with ourselves and what we have when we fall in love.

The first of the stages is the Cinderella stage. Where we have the opportunity to write our love story, the ever after. This is a vital time to dream. To imagine what would work for you. In reality as well as your highest good. This is your map, this is what guides you to know if the person you’ve given your heart to, can reciprocate in the way you deserve.

It’s where we make a checklist and we decide if we are going to follow the map, or throw away the checklist.


The second stage is Compromise. Compromise is always a valuable ingredient to have in your skill set. This is where we list our pros and cons list. What is never needed is the sacrifice of what you hold as your core values. So it is also the time where we decide we will sacrifice in order to have what we think is our heart’s desire. Remember, your heart will never ask you to sacrifice that.

The third stage is Negotiation. Where there is conflict and insecurity as we test the strength of ourselves as well as that of the other person. When cracks appear, do we ignore them? Or repair them. By repairing, we have to be prepared to feel exposed and vulnerable. This is when our flight or fight response is triggered. This is where some relationships become on and off again. Or someone being hot and cold.

The fourth stage is Communication through Love and Fear. Where requests can sound like demands. Which of the two will we choose to align ourselves with? If you choose fear that’s okay, just ensure that we are simply communicating our fears. Does our partner listen or do they respond and align with fear and become defensive. When we go with fear, then the hurt that we are avoiding we are creating. Love has ears, and so does communication. Where you both participate in listening without judgment. You earn love through respect and that respect begins with us. Honoring what is important. Who we are.

Stage five is Accountability and Responsibility. This is a team effort. Where everyone participates. If anyone is looking for something easy, it isn’t at this stage. This is when all masks fall where we truly show ourselves and each other who we truly are. It opens up wounds that need to be healed. Sometimes this healing can’t be shared. So if one of you need time out, that is allowed. Making sure though that this is done with sensitivity. Even if you or the other person isn’t able to verbalize it. A time to give the reassurance that ultimately you will take complete ownership of inner wellbeing and of our actions. How they affect others.

The sixth stage is Loyalty. Primarily loyalty is the combination of many emotional and human facets. The first. Integrity and Openness. Loyalty requires being open and honest, as well as not hiding any aspects of your identity or life. People who are willing to be known and to get to know others in a genuine and open way are those who express their thoughts and feelings.

Limitations of Loyalty. When your fidelity to the other person repeatedly works against you, loyalty can be dangerous. Some individuals continue to be in partnerships that no longer benefit them. In certain situations, their sense of loyalty may lead to their being taken advantage of or mistreated. Although it’s a valuable quality, loyalty shouldn’t be used against someone.

Constancy and Support. Being loyal to someone is supporting them through good times and bad and sticking by their side no matter what. Accepting and adoring someone for who they are while not threatening to leave them when circumstances change is being loyal.
Loyalty is demonstrated by people sticking it out, supporting one another, and enduring hardships together.

The seventh stage is about Character. Keep your commitments: If you make promises or pledges to somebody, be sure to keep them and not disappoint them. Be frank and truthful if there is something you can’t do.

Deal with issues within the partnership: Instead of venting to others about issues in your relationship, deal with them directly with the other party. Instead of seeking external validation by discussing them and your problems with others, this demonstrates your regard for and appreciation for the relationship you share with the other person.

Express your gratitude by letting the other know how much you cherish them.

Tell them how valuable they are to you and how much their presence means to you. Don’t consider them to be routine. A person may become more devoted to you if you demonstrate your loyalty to them.


Love and Light,


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Specialize in love, relationships, soulmate identification and problem-solving, jobs, career and business questions