SO many clients have come to me with problems in their marriage. It’s common to go through seasons in your marriage just like with anything else in your life. Marriage can sometimes be amazing, but sometimes it can be far from it. Marriage takes dedication, but most of all preserving what you built on from the day you met.
The first couple of years of marriage can be hard. In this stage you are getting over the flaws of living with one another and trying to figure out how this whole thing is going to work. But this is also a time of great adventure. You are merging two lives and sometimes many more if you are marrying someone with children from other relationships.
The wonderful thing about marriage though is you are not doing life alone! Marriage has its perks and it’s such a blessing from God to live with and love someone you cherish and that makes you smile without trying. Marriage can also have its downs. But just like the great times you will get through them together if you are thoroughly invested in one another. Hard times can draw you closer and make you appreciate the good times you have together.
I married a man that had two children and I had two children. In our case we decided to have another one to blend them all together. We wanted to make a family not just have his and hers. But there were times that were so hard we felt like giving up. But it was not our marriage that was in trouble. It was our inability to see that life was causing hardships, not each other. I am happy to say we did not give up and that our love has grown stronger over twenty years together because of the diversity and because of trying times when we felt like walking away.
Sometimes marriages hit a snag at mid life crisis. This is real. Men and women alike tend to start to question their worth in the eyes of their spouse and others. Their egos at this point need a boost and sometimes that boost of flirting with others causes them to have an affair. If you are one of those people that have suffered from this, I promise it was not you that caused your spouse to cheat. It was their need to find validation because getting older is not agreeing with them. I suggest if you notice your spouse is acting differently that you encourage and support them as best you can validate them and making sure the passion is alive and well in your marriage. I do believe you can overcome the temptations if you are a unit together at home and remember why you married one another in the first place.
Life is about ups and downs. But how fun when you can share life with someone and not have to carry the burdens alone. Marriage can also bring so many blessings such as children and pets and building amazing lives together. Financial gain, a best friend, and sometimes even a soul mate.
Though marriage can sometimes be hard and some may at times feel bored, just remember that you have the power to breathe passion back into your marriage and keep it alive even when you feel you have exhausted all efforts. There was a point in your life you treasured the person you are with. Sometimes we just have to think back to that time when your heart was on fire for this precious person placed in your life.
I dislike when people say, “Marriage is such hard work.” Marriage should not be. If you truly picked the best fit for you that person is your best friend, your confidant, your lover and your forever companion. Life is work. People confuse life struggles with marriage being hard. Marriage is a beautiful thing and if you ever doubt that then you need to reconsider at what point you quit caring about it. Love moves mountains. There are no excuses. There will be times that we struggle financially, with health, or even emotionally, but marriage was meant to be through richer or poorer, through sickness and health, till death do us part. I think we should all remember that sometimes when we feel like giving up.
Marriage has its seasons. Those seasons come from the hard things that we come across in life as we go on the journey together. SO many times people mistake those struggles as it’s our marriage falling apart. My advice is to draw closer, let go and Let God take control. It’s not your marriage falling apart, it’s your free will making excuses and making your spouse or your marriage your scapegoat.
Love is a beautiful thing! Remember, you can always revamp your passion and your intimacy. The only work that should be in marriage is making sure you are being the best you can be and that you are showing by example. Love does not just stop growing. People do. I encourage everyone who is married to remember these things so that you can achieve lifelong happiness with the partner you chose to be with. Cause after all no one wants to do life alone!
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