By Gertrude: For those adult daughters who have been caught up in a lifetime of playing either the Scapegoat or favorite, it is often difficult to achieve a calm place to understand your own inner guidance.
Sometimes there is a feeling that something is not right, but we just can’t quite put our finger on it, or work out what it is we are missing. This can create further anxiety. This is the best time for you to take control of what you need to know.
It’s like the harder you try, the harder it is to find the answers to the questions you are asking.
I have created a guided meditation that will allow you to relax your mind, body, soul and spirit.
While we may not get all the answers at once, taking the time to be quiet and allow your sentient knowledge to filter through. Helps the flow we constantly need in our lives.
Now is the time to have faith in yourself. This is a vital pillar and part of our core and foundation. Despite what you have personally been through, you are reading this because that faith has always been there. Claim it, acknowledge it now.
We don’t always understand life experiences, however true mindfulness begins with understanding that you are now ready to accept what has happened. That, this is just the beginning of an incredible soul journey. What it is you came here to do in the sense of your soul.
If you have held the favorite and the scapegoat title in your family, understand what your strength is. You are very powerful within the dynamics. You have seen both sides of the narcissist and can anticipate and deal with their fury.
You have been targeted for your strengths. It is these very strengths that you will use to walk away.
The scapegoat is the most likely to have learned compassion, to be empathetic. So feel others pain. They are the most independently minded. The care about justice and fight for what is inherently unfair.
People are drawn to them for their sense of fairness and non-judgmental wisdom. The scapegoat is the narcissists’ nemesis. They will be the ones to hold you accountable.
As a scapegoat you will also internalize blame and have a tendency towards defensiveness. As you grow, you learn the difference between defending your truth and being defensive of your actions.
Authority will always be questioned, it is a major trait. It is one of the issues that can throw you off track. Questioning with an agenda is difference to knowledge seeking. It’s a balance you will find difficult to find.
Mothering or care-taking is a core value. You feel drawn to help others, often at a cost to yourself. But the love that is generated from your acts of kindness nurture and heal. What you will need to learn is who you can and can’t help.
A scapegoat will always stand out in some way. This doesn’t mean they are seekers of attention. They are different. Have a gift, but in general, draw others to them. The scapegoat gets to choose who they will have in their lives and will cull mercilessly anyone who threatens their safety or family. They will go to great lengths to make sure they have all their bases covered. There is nothing you can do to them that they haven’t already prepared for.
They are overthinkers and lovers of daydreaming and making up scenarios in their mind conversations. Many are humorous and have an answer for everything. They are interesting to be around and generally have a liberal view of life.
The scapegoats who break free become strong and independent. This is their atonement and how they reclaim their life.
While it would seem the favorite child is in a much better situation. The opposite is the truth.
In a narcissistic family, is where favoritism becomes abuse. So it’s a double-edged sword, as the resentments the siblings build up will be used against them at a later stage. The chances of a favorite child becoming a scapegoat later in life are rather common.
So for many of you reading this, you’ll have experienced both.
The narcissist needs a scapegoat to project and compare the favorite too. Often they will preempt peoples opinions. By being involved with teachers, doctors, friends and family by constantly praising and degrading. Often going into great detail. Often they become the victim, the mother who loves too much and is overwhelmed. Often people feel sorry for the narcissist. Which is like fuel for them. Being the center of attention is everything to them.
This also sets the child up for an adulthood where they feel they have some sort of dispensation or a sense of entitlement. Making them unprepared for the realities of the world and society. It can take a while for the favorite child to realize not everyone views them like this. It can become confusing as they have no idea what it is they have done wrong. Not taking accountability is a huge issue for favorites. Often they learn harsh lessons.
Favorites can often experience bouts and periods of depression, or wanting to shut themselves away from the world.
Love and Light,
Gertrude
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