By Counselor Karen: I am often asked the question in my readings by clients if who they are dating is their soul mate. There can be many answers to that question. For one, a “soulmate” is someone that goes excellent with your personality. You just get one another no matter what. You tend to be best friends and only want to please each other.
You both feel as if you got the best end of the deal in being with one another. A “soulmate” is someone you feel you have known all your life even if you just met. But not everyone ends up with their soul mates. That is not a bad thing necessarily. While having a soul mate is the best scenario, having someone that you love and they love you back unconditionally is just as amazing. I call that “soulmate” potential.
Some personalities just go well together and while not exactly in sync they each bring something vital to the relationship that makes it grow and flourish. I categorize personalities into three sections. There are those that are perfect together, then those that are good compatibility (which are some of the best relationships) and those that are not meant to be together at all because later down the road will end up butting heads and not being happy.
While you may not have a “soulmate” connection with someone that does not mean that it cannot be awesome, if two people are willing to give it 100% each and are focused on the goal of loving one another long term, those relationships can be just as rewarding. Love is about feeling you won the lottery on both sides as my mother would tell me growing up. Love is about two people giving of themselves for the benefit of their partner and their happiness together. The best relationships are those that have that best friend foundation, but most importantly a natural trust in one another. Sometimes working hard on keeping together makes the relationship stronger. Sometimes people are brought together through similar circumstances which binds them as well.
If you are in a relationship that sucks the life out of you then you are most likely in category three where you need to really take a second look at your decision of being with that person and consider other options. Some personalities just are not meant to be together. They can both be strong people that want things their way with no compromise. They want to control each other instead of focus on how to stick to the same goals. They can also be two people that have no drive and that hold each other back, stuck in a rut waiting for happiness that will never come. In those cases you need to be honest with yourself and let go and be open to someone new that fits your life better. Settling only destroys happiness and kills dreams.
Love comes down to these things:
Does your partner value you as a person?
Does your partner love you unconditionally?
Does your partner respect you and talk highly of you to others?
Does your partner share your same dreams and goals?
Does your partner see a future as you do?
Does your partner have similar interests that keep your love alive?
Do you feel valued and loved when you are not with them?
If you answered no to any of these questions, then you should re-evaluate where you are and do that pros and cons list. The answer is always there when you do from your heart.
We are meant to love and be in love. Sometimes we try too hard to find love in the wrong places. That leaves us feeling stuck and depressed. Sometimes we end up with someone that we think we will change, but the fact is if you have to change them you don’t love them in the first place.
So if you are single and looking for love, don’t settle out of loneliness, but be optimistic about life sending just the right one at the right time. Your odds of finding the right one are great since there are soulmates and soulmate potential relationships waiting to find you! Being the best you will lead you to the one that makes you the “best two.”
Love and Light,