At eight months pregnant, celebrity Nicole Polizzi admitted in a recent interview that she was afraid the love of her first child could never be matched by the love of a second, “… how am I going to have this much of a love for my second baby?”
This is a common fear, not only for new moms expecting the birth of a new child, but for those welcoming a new loved one into their lives. Those who have suffered the loss of a spouse, or the end of a relationship through divorce or break-up may go on to new life experiences and new relationships. Families grow to include step-moms and step-siblings. Many people ask, “How can I love this new person as much as I did the first person I gave my whole heart to?”
We tend to regard love as being a finite supply. Portioned like a pie, with only so much to give everyone. If we have given all of our love to someone in our lives, how can we ever let new love compare? It’s perfectly normal to wonder how we could ever love as much, or fear that we can’t ever connect to someone as deeply again.
Have you found yourself wondering if the love you have for a new boyfriend could ever be as wonderful as the one you had for an old one? Have you ever wondered if you could ever resonate that much, or connect so deeply again? Have you found that you connect differently to one person than another and fear that this means that your love is “less” than another?
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Here are some important concepts to help you if you find yourself weighing this common question:
There is plenty of love to go around
Fortunately, love isn’t portioned like an apple pie. We don’t have just so much love to give and then no more. In real life, love is always expanding and growing. There are no limits our boundaries to the amount of love to give. Love is the world’s most powerful constantly renewing resource!
Loves can be different, but equal
Instead of thinking that one love must inherently be “best” because it has been intense and enduring, think of how all loves are varied and unique. Just as all people are different and varied, so too are love experiences and connections. All the soul mates traveling into our lives are different. For example, your first love might have been a rare and wonderful experience, but another relationship can also be its own unique kind of love. Neither is better or best because of the order they came in. They’re different and equally valuable.
Don’t Compare
It’s important to let each loved one stand in his/her own light in your heart. Your second child will not be like a carbon copy of your first, or a new boyfriend may not be exactly the same as one who came before. This not only includes those things you cherished about old loves, but uncomfortable or hurtful things too. Each new person who comes into your life is a new person NOT a representation of whatever wounds or triumphs came before.
Love never erases love
Sometimes when we find ourselves with a new person in our lives, we are afraid that if we love this new person, it will somehow take away the love we had before, make it somehow less important, or even erase a memory. Sometimes we would rather build a shrine to a previous love rather than take away from it by letting a new person in. It’s important to remember that any new love or person in your life does not diminish any connection you had before. Anything you accomplished or shared before, will remain as meaningful.
More than One
Even though our culture focuses on “the greatest love” and a singular soul mate, the reality is that there are many soul connections in each of our lives. They form our special and key relationships, friendships and our families. Love comes in multiples, not in single doses. There can even be more than one soul mate romantic experience in one lifetime.
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