Why Relationships Fail

By Sofia: Do you feel that a romantic relationship is the most difficult of all relationships? 

Have you asked yourself why you constantly argue with your partner? Why do you often feel misunderstood? Or why is it difficult to trust him?

While problems in relationships are inevitable, as it is essential for growth, the constant and needless sufferings are avoidable when we learn why they manifest.

Why do you constantly argue with your partner?

Acceptance Issue – It is human nature to disagree with something, even if this person is closest to you – like your partner or best friend. 

It happens when you hold different beliefs from your partner, and you stubbornly stick to it, hoping and even forcing that your partner will adapt and change himself to please you or conform to your standards. You may have the best intention of wanting your partner to change, yet they never seem to achieve it. One example is different priorities. If you prioritize relationships over work but your partner is the opposite because he’s money-driven and career-oriented, you are most likely gonna think you are being neglected. You will then start nagging or complaining, or passive-aggressively ignoring your partner and intentionally flirting with others to make him jealous. This eventually leads to mutual feelings of frustration and resentment. Your failure to accept the hardworking nature of your partner and his failure to accept your need to prioritize quality time in the relationship results in arguments that provoke break-up. 

What you might not know is that your partner’s commitment to his career signifies his fear of not being able to be a good provider once he starts a family with you or he might be under a life crisis experience where he feels he needs to accomplish major goals sooner. When you learn to accept the values of your partner, you will seek to understand first than complaining. Conversations will be more of creating solutions instead of fault-findings.

Why do you often feel misunderstood? 

Communication Issue – Poor communication generally sums up why all relationships fail. As discussed in the example above, when you use aggressive behaviors in responding to a relationship problem, it will only escalate to destruction.

One way to solve the problem is planning a right time to talk with your partner. The right time is when you are not consumed with anger and ready to lash out. It is when you are calm and able to communicate from a place of genuine understanding and acceptance. It would help not to make assumptions and not take the behavior of your partner personally or against you. You might have assumed that your partner’s lack of time in the relationship means he’s no longer attracted to you or that he is cheating on you. It only causes more anxiety when you are unable to communicate your concerns to your partner effectively. When you use a non-judgmental, open, honest, and loving approach in communicating your frustrations and needs to your partner, he is most likely going to listen and be open to compromise.

Why is it difficult to trust him?

Trust issue – Many of us have unresolved issues from the past before we enter a new relationship. We may subconsciously still carry abandonment issues from childhood or pain from a previous heartbreak that caused our inability to trust our current partner. 

To solve this is to identify the root cause of the trust issue. You might find out that your partner didn’t do anything to break your trust, but instead, these are all made-up stories in your head due to false assumptions and a huge fear of getting hurt all over again. To trust is a requirement in a relationship and it is the only way to know if you can trust your partner. 

There is no perfect relationship but there are successful relationships. When you love unconditionally, it brings out the best in you. You can avoid the relationship killers mentioned above because a love that is free saves us from pain. Let me leave you with this popular quote:

Love me without fear. Trust me without questioning. Need me without demanding. Want me without restrictions. Accept me without change. Love me for who I am.  

Love and Light,

Sofia