By Sofia: When I was younger, I remember asking my friends’ parents, “How do you know that he is the right one?”. Our definition of love changes as we grow older, and I was curious to know how people stay happily together no matter the years. For me, for the most part of my life, it was easy to date guys, but I was having a hard time finding the love I knew I deserved.
I was never the woman who dreamed of marriage, but I always wanted companionship and partnership. A true love and connection, and I wouldn’t settle for anything less. I was dreaming of meeting a man with whom we co-create and share life, with love, respect, honesty and trust. The simple things we all want in any connection, became hard to find as I was growing older. The innocence I was approaching my love life changed, as I was having several experiences with guys who broke my trust. Why did having a relationship start to become so hard?
For sure, growing older changed my dating criteria about men. I want way much more out of a connection in comparison to my younger self. This shouldn’t be a problem though, as all people shift through experiences and get more clear about what makes them happy. The problem was that I was open to people who didn’t align with my values, and I have opened my heart numerous times to guys who didn’t know what love is. Looking for love in the wrong places will always leave us confused and hurt.
You see, in the name of love and companionship, I would often “ignore” very obvious signs that intuitively I knew that these guys aren’t the match I want. Part of it would be that I didn’t trust my intuition as much as I do now. Another part would be that I wasn’t so clear about where my acceptance, boundaries and tolerance start or stop. I was trying way too hard, to “fit in” in love that wasn’t for me. Why? Because, deep down I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t trust that what I want is not too much, but what I deserve. Love feels like love, and it is effortless… doesn’t feel like anxiety, doubt or worry.
I used to be extremely frustrated about the fact that I was attracting all sorts of wrong guys and behaviors; thinking that I am undeserving of love, falling in love again and again, one heartbreak after the other, and dealing with guys who cheat, deceive, and are inconsistent… the list goes on! The situation seemed helpless and my trust issues were real! Having such experiences, one after the other, makes you question your trust and your judgment about people. “What kind of karma do I pay off? I have never been an evil person!” Yet, all these experiences were a blessing in disguise!
Growing wiser, made me understand that I don’t have any control, nor responsibility about other people’s actions. What they do, they do it out of their own insecurities, limitations and fear and have nothing to do with me. They choose to show up as they choose so, and it doesn’t define my worth. That was a hard one to understand for a long time, but once I did, it changed my life big time. They make their choices, and I make mine. And I came to a point to love so hard myself, that I walk away from any toxic behavior that makes me question love. I love hard and my emotions are precious. I no longer exchange my energy with people who vibe low. Once you decide to act with congruency on that one, you will never ever feel confusion in your love life again. Love is not hard, we make it hard when he stays in situations that aren’t meant for us.
My days of hoping and praying for meeting my soulmate turned to loving myself and my life so much that I don’t negotiate my happiness in petty situations. Loving ME and MY world became so precious, that only people who have a positive and loving influence in my life are welcome. I am the LOVE. Feeling secure and grounded in my world, gives me the trust that no matter what is going to happen, I have ME and this is something that no one can take away.
“A goddess doesn’t rule the world, she is the world”
Love and Light,