Finding The Way To Love Online

By Francis: This is a particularly difficult time for people looking for love. With Lockdowns and restrictions, it is hard to try to arrange to meet up and follow through on plans. Here in Ireland there is a 5km restriction on travel except for essential workers, medical appointments or caring for elderly or sick people. It is illegal to visit homes without a valid reason which has left a lot of people isolated and feeling lonely and hopeless. I am trying to explain about how to find some way to meet someone or build on an existing connection.

Online dating is quite popular now, but it has its downsides. I would say that usually in the first week you will have an idea of what you are dealing with. You should expect some level of consistent communication and a willingness to try to get to know the other person. There are men or even women who abuse this, they ask uncomfortable questions and could go as far as interrogating the recipient. This is a form of defensive abuse even where they make you feel obliged to answer and fit into some kind of expectation they have built up psychologically in their mind.

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Realistically, this person is a stranger on the internet and you are not obliged to answer every question as you don’t have to fit this imaginary criterion they might have in their minds. You pretty will know straight away when the guy/girl is laid back and is just chatting with trying to get to know you in a normal way. Try not to feel threatened by people online who might want sex, money or some kind of need to have control over you.

Usually it is best to meet up in the first few weeks so as not to build up expectations. With Lockdowns this might not be possible but you could always go for a walk together or chat online until places open again. Bookmarking is when a guy or girl says they will meet up but it never happens, they say yes, I want to meet then the time comes around and they go quiet. This keeps happening and more often than not you never meet them. This person might have issues but that is not your problem, give them a few weeks but if this goes on for months on end, it really isn’t worth hanging around for. They could just want their ego stoked. 

It is a good idea to put up pictures of your face and full body so the other person knows what you look like and they are under no illusions as to your appearance. I think some pictures which are more recent are helpful as people can age, put on weight etc. Anyone asking for more and more pictures can be off putting and especially there are men who just want nude images and will keep pestering you for them. It depends on what you are looking for but it’s not a good idea to lay yourself bare physically or emotionally like this as the man never wants to meet after this (it would be unusual if he did). It is like another control thing to challenge women and pester them for pictures.

Giving out your phone number is up to you, you could always chat to someone until you meet and then exchange numbers which is probably safer but these are unprecedented times so maybe having a video chat isn’t a bad idea but also this is entirely a personal choice. If you are talking to someone for months and haven’t met and have no number for them, it could indicate this person is already attached and in a relationship.

It is good to list what you are looking for on your profile, casual, a relationship and so on. Basically it will be clear after a few weeks what the other wants and their pattern of behaviour will show. 

Good luck and contact me for a reading if you need more insight.

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Love and Light,

Francis

 

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Romance/love. Find out. Connecting to minds and hearts.
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