You\u2019ve met someone new and potentially wonderful, now what? Here are the six most important tips to help you navigate the next levels of commitment and relationship.\u00a0 Following these tips will not only help clarify who is not a good match for you, but also foster and promote relationships that have potential.<\/p>\n
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1. YOU DON\u2019T NEED A \u201cBIG TALK\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 If you want to know what he or she is thinking, or to learn about your individual goals and perspectives, you don\u2019t need a confrontation. You will find out as you get to know each other.<\/p>\n
Commitment and togetherness don\u2019t happen in one big intense conversation.\u00a0\u00a0 Pressing that, \u201cWhere are we headed? What are your intentions?\u201d\u00a0 button will\u00a0not\u00a0result in clarity. In fact, it will lead to disconnection because your partner will feel your anxiety and demand. They will feel that you have given up yourself that you need them for something.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Instead: focus on the development of your bond, sharing honest feelings, ideas and values in an open honest way over time. That way you will\u00a0know\u00a0how each other feels and your partner will be attracted towards continuing the relationship or taking it to the next level.\u00a0 Feeling strong in yourself as a person will allow you to approach relationships not from need, but from your honest ideas, feelings and desires.<\/p>\n
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2.\u00a0YOU DON\u2019T NEED TO BE AN OVER-COMMITER<\/p>\n
This means that until you’ve both communicated your intentions to each other,\u00a0holding him\/her to certain standards of what\u00a0your\u00a0idea of committed relationship represents, or putting all your commitment into the new relationship will not work.\u00a0 Your ideas about commitment must be MUTUAL. \u00a0\u00a0 “He\u2019s my boyfriend already in my mind” doesn’t count.\u00a0 For example, “You haven\u2019t agreed to be exclusively dating me, but I don’t like that you’re not available to me all the time by phone”\u00a0is an expectation outside what you\u2019ve mutually agreed upon.\u00a0 Ask yourself if you are committing to this other person more than they are committing to you.\u00a0 Instead:\u00a0don\u2019t make any other person the center of your Universe.\u00a0\u00a0 It doesn’t matter how sweet, wonderful or perfect he\/she is or how great the connection is, until you both have agreed about the level of commitment you want, keep your energy open.\u00a0\u00a0 See other people or, at least don’t create a scenario where you live, eat, breathe and exist only for this person to the point of anxiety and frustration!\u00a0\u00a0 Let yourself have a life outside them.\u00a0 Friends, hobbies, work, family and me time should be priorities.<\/p>\n
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3 YOU DON\u2019T NEED TO BE PERFECT<\/p>\n
Sometimes we feel pressure in a new relationship to meet all of the needs of a new person. We want them to like us so much, that we can pressure ourselves to be perfect and then end up feeling disconnected and anxious. We say, \u201cIf only i can convince you how awesome we could be!\u00a0\u00a0 If only I can show you how GREAT I can be!\u201d\u00a0 Not only does this not work, it has an opposite effect.\u00a0 Trying too hard conveys to the other person that we\u00a0need\u00a0validation from them and lack a sense of self esteem.\u00a0\u00a0 Instead: \u00a0 Just being yourself as a vulnerable and open person is all you need to do for a strong loving person to want to connect to you. Do seek to improve yourself and your way of relating to others, but don\u2019t make this your\u00a0project\u00a0to gain someone else\u2019s love.\u00a0 After all, if they don\u2019t want to be with you as you really are, then do you want them in your life?<\/p>\n
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4)\u00a0 FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE<\/p>\n
We all know this nugget of wisdom: when we focus on what is\u00a0good\u00a0or what is\u00a0right,\u00a0\u00a0it creates more of the same!\u00a0Believe it or not, other people want to make us happy even in the first stages of relationship and if they feel like the connection makes us happy (instead of disappointed) it will make them want to invest more into the relationship.\u00a0\u00a0Harping on all that is wrong won\u2019t work. Instead:\u00a0 Focusing on\u00a0good\u00a0parts of the connection “I appreciate you..”\u00a0 is important because emotional spikes and spines can come up in the first stages of relationship,\u00a0especially\u00a0if we are trying to avoid getting hurt. Part of us wants to get out of having THEM hurt us, so we may let negative expectations get the best of us,\u00a0 “I’ll blow up this bridge so that you can’t do it for me!”\u00a0\u00a0 Focusing on the positives creates trust and the desire to evolve.<\/p>\n
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5)\u00a0 COMMIT TO YOURSELF FIRST<\/p>\n
Nobody is committing to you if you’re not committing to yourself and loving yourself.\u00a0 Another person wants to give their heart, time and energy to the part of you which is committed to yourself and your own dreams.\u00a0\u00a0 Example: feel the difference between,\u00a0 “I hope you can give me a wonderful life and lots of love.”\u00a0 versus,\u00a0 “I’m committed to having a life where my needs are taken care of and love is a part of my life. That’s important to me.”\u00a0\u00a0 The second one shows that your visions and priorities are committed and strong, whereas the first one feels more like, “I expect you to take responsibility for giving this to me… I can’t get it on my own. I’m more committed to getting what I want out of you than I am to myself.”<\/p>\n
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6)\u00a0 HAVE FUN<\/p>\n
Take your mind off the \u201cgoals\u201d for a moment and just enjoy each other\u2019s company.\u00a0 Do you find yourself stressing every interaction?\u00a0 Instead: \u00a0 Imagine your best friend in your mind\u2019s eye.\u00a0 If it wasn’t fun to be with that person and if every conversation was a chore or an upsetting contest of wills, you probably wouldn’t want to spend as much time with them or talk about feelings and perspectives.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 This same thing is true of all relationships.\u00a0\u00a0 Have a little fun\u00a0because relationship commitment isn’t just a set of goals to\u00a0get\u00a0\u00a0to,\u00a0 it’s a journey.\u00a0 Have fun on that journey.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
You\u2019ve met someone new and potentially wonderful, now what? Here are the six most important tips to help you navigate the next levels of commitment and relationship.\u00a0 Following these tips will not only help clarify who is not a good match for you, but also foster and promote relationships that have potential. 1. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":215,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,13,22,24,19,10,31],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-35","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiration","category-love-relationships","category-personal-change","category-self-help-improvement","category-soul-connections","category-sprituality","category-twin-flames"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t