Hello there again. This is yet another article of educating on the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the Borderline Personality Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorders.\u00a0 Please be aware that they are Disorders but despite that there really is no excuse for their behaviour or the way they treat people.\u00a0 In this article I am going to abbreviate Narcissistic Personality Disorder to NPD but these behaviour relate to the other orders as well.<\/p>\n
First of all, I be you asking how can I write about these disorders to educate people of you have not been through it.\u00a0 Well I am recovering from a NPD.\u00a0 I won\u2019t go into much detail regarding that but the one did I did find going through all this is.<\/p>\n
1. The Lack of understanding that people have about these Disorders.<\/p>\n
2. The way the NPD person is like a Jekyll and Hyde. To the outside world he is Mr Jeckyll the nice helpful friendly person. The one who is always there for his friends and family, but behind closed doors Mr Hyde comes to the service, the one who blames you for everything, the one who always puts you down, the one who never takes responsibility for their own actions because it is always someone else\u2019s fault.<\/p>\n
3. The fact the there is never any closure with a Narc.\u00a0 By the time the hurricane has passed you are standing there wondering what the hell happened and trying to make sense of it, even wondering if the Narc was right and it was your fault that everything fell apart.<\/p>\n
This is why I am doing these articles to try and educate not just the survivors of the Narc, but friends, family and even children.\u00a0 Unless you have been with a Narc you will never understand what the survivor of this person has gone through and telling then to get over it and saying he is no longer in your life why can\u2019t you just move on is not what survivors need to hear.\u00a0 Support and education is the key here.\u00a0 Trying to understand the behavior of the Narc can not only bring understanding for the Survivor but also for the people closest to them.\u00a0 So I am going to outline the main behavior of a Narc and how they reel you into their lives and then proceed to destroy it.<\/p>\n
\u00b7 Symptoms of a NPD
\n\u00b7 Grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from others
\n\u00b7\u00a0Fixated on fantasies of power, success, intelligence, attractiveness, etc.
\n\u00b7 Self-perception of being unique, superior and associated with high-status
\n people and institutions<\/p>\n
\u00b7\u00a0Needing constant admiration from others
\n\u00b7\u00a0Sense of entitlement to special treatment and to obedience from others
\n\u00b7\u00a0Exploitative of others to achieve personal gain
\n\u00b7\u00a0Unwilling to empathize with others’ feelings, wishes, or needs
\n\u00b7\u00a0Intensely jealous of others and the belief that others are equally jealous
\n of them
\n\u00b7 Pompous and arrogant demeanor
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\nPowerful ways a NPD can emotionally cripple you.Idealization-Devaluation-Discard Phase
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\n1. Love Bombing: This is the phase the Narc puts you on a pedestal making you the center of his\/her world.\u00a0 Constantly showering you with flattery and praise. Constant phone calls and texts up to 20 times per day. Convincing you that you are the one they can\u2019t live without and that you are their soulmate.\u00a0 This is how most victims get sucked in because they are telling you what you want to hear.\u00a0 They are telling you straight out with no game playing.\u00a0 This phase usually happens in the very early stages of the relationship lasting up to 3 to 6 months, sometimes longer depending on what the Narc really wants from you.
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\n2. Devaluation Phase: This is the other side of the coin to the love bombing phase. This is where the Narc suddenly pushes you of the Pedestal that he\/she had you on and not from a very safe height.\u00a0 The Narc will go hot and cold, start to criticize you, putting you down very subtly in public and also behind closed doors. Comparing you to others, constantly breaking promises, never following through on anything.\u00a0 You start to feel that you will never be able to please this person no matter how hard you try.\u00a0 Eventually you become convinced that everything that is happening is your fault. Even though the Narc can be possessive and Jealous they can also turn this around and say that you are to needy and clingy.\u00a0 All this is a form of control over the victim.\u00a0 Unfortunately, during this stage this is where the Narc really starts to show their true colours and when this happens you need to understand that the person at the beginning of the relationship never truly existed.\u00a0 During this state also they start to abandon, demean, become aggressive, humiliating (especially in public) and whole lot more so that the victim feels they are no longer important.
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\n3. Gaslighting: \u00a0This is a technique the Narc uses to alter someone\u2019s perception of the abuse is inaccurate. They can say things like your provoked me, you are too sensitive, I never said that or you are taking this way to seriously.\u00a0 This is their way of manipulating the situation to turn it around to make you think the abuse is your fault. Narc are masters at making you doubt yourself and the abuse. This is why the survivors suffer from second thoughts after a break up because the emotional invalidation they received made them powerless in their perceptions.\u00a0 This self-doubt makes them stay in an abusive relationship even though it is clear that it is a toxic one. This is because they are led to mistrust their own instincts and perceptions of events.
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\n4. Smear Campaigns: Narcs keep harems.\u00a0 This is because they love having their egos stroked and need constant validation from the outside world.\u00a0 They are clever Chameleons who are also people pleasers, morphing into what every personality suits the situation they are in. So it no surprise that the Narc will start the smear campaign against you not long after the discard phase. This is to paint you as the unstable one. Unfortunately, they are usually very successful at this and this is how the Narcs recruit their Flying Monkeys.\u00a0 The smear campaign can depict you as the abuser or unstable person, this then provoke you thus proving you are unstable when you try to tell your side of the story.\u00a0\u00a0 This also serves as a hoovering technique is which the narc seeks to pull you back into the relationship as you struggle to reconcile what has been said about you.\u00a0 The only way not to get pulled back is to GO NO CONTACT and ignore everything that is being said.\u00a0 You know the truth and that is all that matters.<\/p>\n