How To Get Your Ex Back

By Gail: This is an issue that constantly comes up. Will my ex come back? When will they come back? People want to know what their ex is doing now and what they are feeling now. Are they still thinking of you? Do they still love you? These are very common questions. The problem with this is that these questions are all focused on someone else and they are all grounded in the past. Your ex may come back and if nothing has changed then you will encounter the same problems you did previously. It could be even worse next time around. Instead of asking if they will come back consider looking at what you can do to get them back, what you can offer and how the relationship can grow and prosper. How can you enhance each other’s lives? And the big one – Why do you want them back? 



It is very easy when we are in a relationship to think about all the things that the other person does wrong; all the things they are not providing for you, all the things they do that quite frankly drive you mad. But once they are gone we romanticize them. Suddenly now we think about how awesome they were, how much we miss them, how much we love them. All we want is to get them back. But why? We forget we were unhappy and unsatisfied and that they sometimes behaved like a complete tool. Now we think they are the most amazing person ever and somehow getting that one person back will fix everything. Chances are it won’t. It didn’t fix everything the first time around, how is it going to be different now? How are you going to be different now? 

You cannot make your ex-partner come back. Often, the more you chase them the more they will pull away. Chasing them has not worked, arguing with them has not worked, blaming them or yourself has not worked. Blaming something else for your situation does not work. Time now to look at the things that do work to move you towards your desired outcome.

One of the problems in asking when your ex will come back is that this position has no power. You are putting all the emphasis on another person. Something external to yourself. You have no control over other people. And you are putting all of your power into their decisions. 

You have the power in your own life. Do not squander this power or give it away. When the focus of your questions revolve around another then you leave no room for yourself. You cannot offer your true value when you are handing over your own truth and allowing someone else to determine your destiny. You have your own destiny. When you live as truth then you realise true love is already yours. 

People often say they are willing to do anything to get their ex back. Anything. Whatever it takes. Where was that passion and commitment when the relationship was falling apart? If you really did everything you could and gave everything you had at the time then why didn’t it work? If it was all their fault, you gave everything and they didn’t step up, then why would you want that again? 

So ask yourself, openly and honestly: Why do you want that particular person? Why are you blocking all other possibilities in favor of one person that is now your past? We crave connection, we crave love, we long to touch and be touched lovingly. We desire attention and affection. This is fine. These are normal human desires. To be connected and touched and loved by another. We want meaningful and fulfilling relationships and we do deserve them. Being fixated on only one person keeps us stuck in the same pattern. There are no other options. 

And so right now you are thinking that they are the right one for you because you are twin flames. You are meant to be together. 

When you are really meant to be with someone the universe will make it happen. There is no other way. The universe will make sure of it. In fact when you are truly meant to be with someone it cannot be avoided. 

Anytime you ask when they are coming back you are doing two things. One is you are giving yourself no power in the situation. The other is that what you are really saying is “I don’t believe they are the right person for me”. 

When you know divine love in your heart there is no need to ask. There is no need to worry or search or be sad and fearful. You know they love you and you know you are destined to be together. There is no question. There is only a true and deep connection that goes beyond our human limitations and fears. Divine love expands beyond human concepts. Divine love has no boundaries.

Release fear and judgment and look inside your own heart. You know your own truth and your own destiny. Everything you need is within you right now. When you know in the very depth of your being that they are the right one for you, and you know you truly are destined to be together, you may still want to know when you will be together. This is understandable – you feel like you should be with them now and every moment you are not together is a waste or your existence. 

It is your choice to waste the energy of your own existence or to embrace it and radiate love. Use your time apart to discover your full potential. Independence, radiance, and confidence are attractive. Become so vibrant and loving and warm that all of life loves you. Draw love to you by radiating compassion and peace. Be warm and tender and available. Become soft and receptive to your own unique qualities. 

If you want to know when they are coming back – they are coming back when you are ready to embrace your truth and love them with all of you heart. Until then there is no future together for you as a couple. If you will accept them when… they start doing this or they stop doing that or they be what you want them to… then you will not encounter a truly loving life. These conditions are based on fear. If you have lessons to learn from each other you will continue to be in each other’s lives; if you have lessons you need to learn so that you can be together then the sooner you learn them then the sooner you will be together. 

If you want someone to love you and only you and nobody else but you then you are not being realistic. That is quite an unhealthy mindset based in fear and not in love. You have to allow your partner to love everyone in their life. Yes, you can expect commitment and faithfulness but to ask them to love no-one but you is really not a viable or balanced option. It is kind of psychotic. And if you want to love one person and only that one person and no-one else that is equally as unbalanced. Universal love embraces inclusion, not exclusion. Love everyone and everything. Release your judgments of good and bad – the universe has wonderful things in store for you, Allow the treasures of life to come to you. 

If you are not willing to behave differently then nothing will change. If you expect they are going to be different then you are taking a big gamble. People do change. They change when they are ready and willing and able. You cannot force someone else to change for you, even if they want to. You can change your own mind about the situation. 

Mind will cause dramas. Mind will interfere with doubts and jealousies and insecurities. That is what mind does. You will need to learn to differentiate between what your mind is telling you and what your heart knows. They are such different things yet they are so easily confused. Especially when we have had a lifetime of listening to mind. Forget trying to know everything and enjoy the spontaneity of life. 

Focusing on the past drains energy that could be used to create the future. Stop looking at their social network feeds. It is not a true reflection of reality and it is not resourceful. A truly loving and abundant life does not need to be advertised. It just is. Forget what they are doing and concentrate on what you are doing. 

When it is over it is best to let it go lovingly. If it is not over they will come back to you. What you do in the meantime could be the difference between expanding your consciousness to embrace love or staying stuck and lonely – even if they are with you. It is not uncommon to feel more lonely in a relationship than we do when we are single. Single and alone, we have hope that the right relationship will fix everything – when we are involved with someone and are still lonely then we have to face the fact that our happiness does not lie with another. Happiness is in you. It is your choice. 

You have to love openly and honestly and want the best for everyone if you want to fully experience fulfillment. If you can’t honestly wish the best for your ex then what you have is not true love. It is possessiveness, insecurity, neediness, co-dependency. It is not love. If you really knew that they are your twin flame / true love / soulmate then you could happily let them go knowing that you will be together because that is your destiny. If you knew deep down in your heart that you are meant to be together you would not worry about if or when they will come back. You know that your destiny lies with that person. You can use this time to enhance and expand your being, learning to give and receive love in perfect balance. Make your life all about you. Be so amazing that they have to come back to you. You know that you are meant for each other, you know that your love is true and that your paths are forever entwined. 

Your heart just knows the truth. Do you? 



Love and Light,


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A gifted Empath with 20 years of experience in dream interpretation, tarot reading and life, and psychic advice.

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